The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Several years back, I had a cousin who was mildly retarded and a lovely fellow and he absolutely worshipped me..I was his sweetheart...His favorite person and all he ever wanted of me was to love him and when I moved out of state, to write him when I could..People said he would run to the mailbox looking for my letter...Well I let life "get in the way" and distractions i let run my life and I didn't write for a long while...Then he got hit by a car and never came out of his coma...4 months he lied in hospital like a vegatable and finally his lungs filled with fluid and he passed...I never got to say "i love you" to him and I never got to thank him for being my "best fan and supporter" and I never got to say a lot of things to him because I just figured he would be around so much longer than he was...My grief was like a lead weight..The regrets and guilt I felt until I came to the place of 'ok...what can I learn from this??" Oh yea..if you love someone?? put them in your life, tell them how you feel...make amends if owed because they may be gone tomorrow...
I have an older sister with whom I had a very very stormy, even toxic relationship with..I would detach and leave her for a year or two at a time, never speaking to her...She would come at me, emotionally beat me up for getting into recovery and "airing the family dirty laundry" in public forums when i was trying to put the pieces of my mind together..
This sister has cancer..Shes fought it for 20 years now..I just figured "no biggie if I walk away--Shes not going anywhere...mean folks live forever"
and I went about my life..Well last year, i guess another phase of my recovery germinated because I was lying in bed, late at night, meditating and I was getting "premonitions" or "prompts" from my inner HP about her...Like I was being prompted to "reach out to her" things are bad
So last year, I wrote her a PM on facebook and I am not on FB much because I play tennis, basketball and I swim..I am big time into my sports and physical fitness thing because I enjoy it...
Anyway, I was getting these "nagging" feelings so I pm'd her on FB and I asked her "is there any way we can make our peace with each other??? I know you are angry at me getting into recovery and sharing about my pain re: the FOO, but I had to do it to save me---CAN we get past that and just do life together??"
She is in CA, I am in TX but she was overjoyed to hear from me..AND she shared with me that the doctors classified her as terminal with her cancer and all they can do is try to keep it from coming out of her bones and attacking the organs..when that happens and its not IF, it is WHEN it happens, then she is gone.
She shared with me all this and I listened and let her talk...I mean what could I really say?? but just to listen and validate her and tell her I am here to listen and I will upload horse racing vids for her facebook page and just be there as much as I can for her...
She is extremely difficult and feeling bad and being in pain makes her all that much more difficult and there have been times I would have to get off the phone (Someone is at the door--gotta go) or on pm'ing, and things are getting dodgy, i use the old (client is calling...gotta take this call) or whatever I can use to bail out of a conversation that is going south
last night she sent me a pic/text of an oxygen hose and apparatus...so now she is not only bedridden for much of the time, but also needing oxygen to help her...Pain meds are stronger for the extreme pain she feels in her lower body...I mean it seems she is drifting towards death but I am not gonna be absent....I can't go see her because I am on SS and PT work and just cannot afford a trip with 2 dogs who would need babysitting and also the missed work...I just could not do it and shes ok with that...we do voice chat, we do video chats when she is feeling up to it (these are decreasing now because she is struggling more)
I feel genuine compassion for a woman I once loathed because of her awful treatment of me my entire life (she is older than me) but I am so glad I made my peace with her..I addressed my part in our sour relationship and told her that I was going to keep working on me to be a better me and I SEE a better me...
even 2 years ago, I would not have been able to show this patience and compassion for someone who was so ugly to me most of my life, but Its past....Done....Over with....Time to let it go and try to move forward with the time we have and I am actually enjoying our chats when she is able to chat...
This wonderful program and the fellowship/support/sharing and caring has really helped me work through so many of my undesirable traits and I see a kinder, more humble me and I like it...
Thanks to this program, my relationships for the most part have greatly improved because my relationship with ME has greatly improved
I feel that this latest growth spurt arrived just in time because , honestly, I don't think she is going to be around too much longer..I will miss the fun parts of this relationship, sharing about horses and horse racing ..We both are passionate about horses and dogs and we enjoy sharing about them...She can be funny...I am discovering some really neat stuff about her....This is what opening my mind and heart has blessed me with...I see her in a different way...Non-judgemental...stimulating conversations...laughter...and I think for the first time in my life, I hear her say "i love you" to me....
(((Beautiful share Rose))). Sending prayers for your sister and praise for your healthy use of program and for listening to that" still small voice within". It never fails me or leads me off the path.
(((Beautiful share Rose))). Sending prayers for your sister and praise for your healthy use of program and for listening to that" still small voice within". It never fails me or leads me off the path.
hey Betty: You have been a HUUUGE part of my recovery..thank you for your service and your support...and thanks for prayers for big sister...She is not doing well at all....I'm gonna love her and support her ALL the days I get to hang onto her....I will "hang on" with a loose rein, though, because life is all about letting go when the times comes....Thank you, my lovely and loving friend
I'm with Hotrod on this also and while I was reading your post started thinking about my own sour relationships while in the program and how I tried to find serenity with them all. "Love anyway" was offered to me and it stuck within my spirit and I was able to "Let go" and "Let God" with myself. The disease taught me anger and hate and all of that other negative puke that comes with poisoning and I exercised it until I could no longer and desired love and acceptance of everyone for exactly who they were. I was just out walking my pup and meditating program style and HP, walking with me, brought up the thought...."It's not all about you Jerry F" and my whole self just relaxed. I'm gonna go now to a meeting and I will keep you in mind along with your sister. ((((hugs))))
I'm with Hotrod on this also and while I was reading your post started thinking about my own sour relationships while in the program and how I tried to find serenity with them all. "Love anyway" was offered to me and it stuck within my spirit and I was able to "Let go" and "Let God" with myself. The disease taught me anger and hate and all of that other negative puke that comes with poisoning and I exercised it until I could no longer and desired love and acceptance of everyone for exactly who they were. I was just out walking my pup and meditating program style and HP, walking with me, brought up the thought...."It's not all about you Jerry F" and my whole self just relaxed. I'm gonna go now to a meeting and I will keep you in mind along with your sister. ((((hugs))))
OMG....((((((((((((JerryF))))))))))))) Love what you say here.....yes, i was poisoned with anger- resentment- hate- all poison that robbed me of any love/joy/peace etc...I still have to work on my "old anger" at the grave injustices done to me by parents and I am commited to the releasing ME from the anger/resentment/hate as a gift to ME.....and I love what you say that "It's not all about you" I see now that it is not all about ME...what a freeing realization that has come to me this past couple of years.....the world and people do not revolve around me..I am but a tiny pebble on a very very big sea shore....I am able, now, to look outside of me and see the other's share and their feelings....this is not to say that I will EVER allow abuse in my life...Oh no!! however, the old used to be sour relationships I have had are mending...All because I set aside my ego and looked at my part and reached out to them.....I have a cousin who shuns me b/c she is embarrassed by the fact that I am in recovery....I forgive her for she knows not what she does----to herself.....I let her go...cut her and my anger /resentment towards her loose and i have moved on and in doing so, I can actually wish her well...Just not around me because we are just not a match....I see myself judging less...accepting people, places and things AS THEY ARE...not what I want them to be...and if their path is not a match for me and mine??? I let go in peace..walk away...Its OK to not want a relationship, but not OK to think that everything and everyone should revolve around me......Oh thank you so much for your wisdom...Enjoy your meeting and thank you for your kindness thoughts about my sister....I've cried a couple of times over her, how I don't want to lose her, but even more---I don't want her to suffer, either...So I give her , in love, to her higher power.....Difficult as she is, I am seeing a sweetness in her and a true love for me that maybe my closed mind, in the past, didn't see and it was always there....that her love for me isn't "new" just my eyes are new and I see better now...........HUGS of gratitude and support.....may you have a really awesome day
Lovely, lovely share Rose - sending prayers and positive thoughts for you both! I love when I get to 'see' recovery in action and awareness of how one changes as they heal/deal! (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
(((Rose)) Love your new avatar and am so pleased you have returned to MIP Alanon .You have been very dedicated to your recovery journey and it shows. Thanks for sharing the journey .
-- Edited by hotrod on Saturday 24th of June 2017 10:44:59 PM
Mahalo for the wish Rose and the day and meeting and all else went as you wished it...there was some queasiness which I guess is reaction to the colonoscopy I had on Friday. The morning meeting was incredible as we had a world traveling visitor who brought recovery affected by meetings all over the world and his expertise with his Higher Power on how he works it and then the other shares of ESH who have worked it as directed. We had a new comer with one day on program and I always welcome those because they put perspective in my life a member wanting to remain on this side of the fence longer and longer. As always I love the women's shares because it was the women in recovery who kept me coming back and in my chair working it as they suggested before turning me over to the men of long time recovery.
Soooooo many miracles I'm soooooo amazed!! I truly learn from the ESH such as yours Rose along with my other sisters in MIP and the program. The day went exceedingly well afterwards. (((((hugs)))))
(((Rose)) Love your new avatar and am so pleased you have returned to MIP Alanon .You have been very dedicated to your recovery journey and it shows. Thanks for sharing the journey .
-- Edited by hotrod on Saturday 24th of June 2017 10:44:59 PM
hey (((Betty)))) thank you my lady!!!! the kids around this neighborhood have forever called me "mamalioness" because I always watched over them, fixed their "owies" when they would fall off a bicycle and skin their knees, I would clean them up and encourage them to kiss their fears and get back up on that bike..Now they have kids, lol ...I am happy to come back as well...I missed you folks who have been so key in my growth and its great to gain growth and be able to share it back with the others.....
Mahalo for the wish Rose and the day and meeting and all else went as you wished it...there was some queasiness which I guess is reaction to the colonoscopy I had on Friday. The morning meeting was incredible as we had a world traveling visitor who brought recovery affected by meetings all over the world and his expertise with his Higher Power on how he works it and then the other shares of ESH who have worked it as directed. We had a new comer with one day on program and I always welcome those because they put perspective in my life a member wanting to remain on this side of the fence longer and longer. As always I love the women's shares because it was the women in recovery who kept me coming back and in my chair working it as they suggested before turning me over to the men of long time recovery.
Soooooo many miracles I'm soooooo amazed!! I truly learn from the ESH such as yours Rose along with my other sisters in MIP and the program. The day went exceedingly well afterwards. (((((hugs)))))
hey ((((Jerry))))) in 2010 I had my first colonoscopy and I was a nervous wreck, but the procedure wasn't half as bad as my mind projected it...gotta go again in 2020 as they say every 10 years if you're free of polyps...I'm glad you take care of you and did it..Queasy as it is......Would love to have heard how the guy you describe works with his Higher Power, something I struggle with, steps 2 and 3 have always been my greatest challenges so I decided to make it simple: look WITHIN...I am part of this universe so I must have a part of it within me..... ..and I, too, thoroughly enjoy the newbies..Everyone, to me, newbie or oldie has something to offer...I used to think that because I have "been around for a while" couldn't learn from a newbie---WRONG!!! Some of my biggest lightbulb moments came from the lips of a newbie.......I am delighted you had so many good things happen for you.....You put out such loving and good energy, its for sure to come back to you.......Hugs
