The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading talks about the freedom we gain in working our program to speak our truth. Many of us come to Al-Anon broken, scared and hurting. We are reluctant to share what's in our hearts and minds for fear of judgement, ridicule or shunning. We come to realize we do have the freedom and choice to say how we truly think and feel, and we begin to feel our HP's strength in our bodies.
We learn in recovery how to share our feelings and thoughts in a way that's courteous, polite and dignified. We learn to say whatever we like as long as we can say it respectfully and in a caring manner. When we encounter situations that baffle us, we learn to ask for guidance from our HP and rarely, if ever are let down. The answers always do come when we trust the process and practice patience.
The Thought for the Day - "When it comes to speaking up, I need to let it begin with me. Al-Anon meetings provide a healthy environment in which to take that risk.
The quote for the day from Courage to Change, P. 111 - "Sometimes I have to fight the old urge to keep quiet at all costs, but I have found that sharing is the key to healing."
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I can so relate to feeling scared, broken and full of pain. I was never heard in my home as the disease had planted huge denial is all of us, so we instead did a dysfunctional dance of blame and shame with a side step of deflect and distract. It was complete insanity and it left me questioning my own feelings and thoughts.
It is in meetings that I learned I was safe to speak about my thoughts, feelings and life. It is in meetings where I learned to speak about how the disease was affecting me and not 'them'. It is in meetings that I felt heard and how to share with grace and dignity.
I do believe today that my HP directs my responses when I let go and let God. I am better at using the PAUSE - and it has helped me treat others with courtesy and respect.
Happy Friday to one and all - getting ready to get HOT in our area for the weekend - some outside work today + softball tonight! Make it a great one MIP family!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Great reminder IAH. I did learn to share my feelings and inner concerns by attending meetings and developing the positive attitudes of owning my part, and not blaming, or judging another. What a difference this has made in my interactions with friends and family. I also stopped reacting and learned how to respond by sitting at meetings and listening with an open mind. Thanks for a great topic and your service. Good luck at the game .
THis share reminded me of how many people ridiculed me in my earlier days, from an older brother to a first husband. I must have had a sign on my back that said "kick me." Over the years I made some improvement to speak my mind, but sometimes I would become very anxious beforehand. It's different now after having Alanon in my life. I speak my truth most of the time, without being mean, and most of the time I don't take in the response. Progress not perfection, Lyne
Thanks ladies for your ESH....I can so relate to the 'kick me' sign - LOL! I also love that we are reminded about progress always - not perfection! Make it a lovely day!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you, IAH for your service and The Hope for the Day!
I came back to Al-Anon perhaps more broken then before... so I relate to this post. For some reason this go'round of living w/ addiction has been rougher than the last, and I feel like I need this program more than ever! It has helped me to shake of the resentment and anger (which I work on daily btw), and helps me to respond in a way that honors my truth and doesn't shame or blame my qualifier. At first it seems counter-intuitive to be honest... b/c the qualifier is the one who has disrupted your life... in some cases ruined your dreams entirely! So anger in this situation is righteous - or feels righteous. But if you allow yourself to wallow in there, that is what your life becomes, and you end up a bitter, ugly person. This program reminds you to stop doing for others what they can do on their own and to treat yourself with some respect and kindness. It allows you to step out of the anger/pity pool and begin to build yourself up... regardless of what your qualifier is doing/not doing.
Perhaps the best part is learning how to pause and not react (or overreact)... how to sit with your feelings and information and then process them carefully... thus providing for a more balanced solution!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Great reminder, thank you IAH for your service and all for their ESH on the topic; so many good points.
New to me in AlAnon recovery is the thought of keeping the story about me, and working hard to listen to others without judgment or critical response. In the environment I grew up in, those were virtually nonexistent; individuality was not tolerated, and criticism and censorship of others was seen as a duty.
I am so grateful for the healthy perspectives and suggested habits highlighted in the program, many of which were not a part of my past. The program offers many opportunities for me to practice these, and I definitely need it. Grateful for the wisdom and guidance
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Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Thank you for your service. I'm still learning this skill, but I already feel the freedom it gives. At first, at the very beginning of my recovery, I was sometimes really surprised when I ventured to reveal my true thoughts and feelings that all was ok, people didn't think I was weird or wrong, somehow, that my true thoughts were as good as the next person's... I'm working on being honest and not hiding so much of myself from others. It's going well, for the most part :) So grateful for the program... Turns out I'm actually pretty ok, with most of my worry removed. :)
Thanks all for your ESH - I love to hear how others are working it - always great to 'see' and 'hear' different ways to seek peace, serenity and joy!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
It is in meetings where I learned to speak about how the disease was affecting me and not 'them'... seems many things were effecting 'me not 'them .. always wondered then what was wrong with me .. still can go through this sometimes .. i hated change because i wasn't changing .. and since learning i am the onion peeling layers .. this too comes back around on a new (deeper) layer .. there are things i hate that are changing today because again i am not changing on that layer .. but like the reading says .. if we are uncomfortable with a behavior then on some layer we are already moving toward changing it.. find for me 'nothing changes until i change my attitude of isolation fear worry and share in a meeting .. only then can my solutions come .. if i don't let go i don't let god go to work inside me .. so realizing when i don't share in meetings i am back to sitting in my chair doing nothing ... grant it i listen .. but we need to give it away to get it back .. and of course 'participation is the key .. thanks for sharing this ..
Lovely share MeTwo2 - it reminded me that "more will be revealed"....the peeling has been slow for me, but so worth it!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
