The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Just wanted to say hello to all of my MIP family. We, my RAH ( well over two years of sobriety now) and I are visiting Alaska for a month. For those who believe it can never happen for you (hubby/wife getting sober, that is), I want to share a few things.
In April, just over two years ago, I would have sworn on a stack of bibles that my hubby would NEVER give up alcohol and would most certainly NEVER participate in AA. I was READY to divorce after 20 plus years of marriage and was truly done with the whole thing. I loved him, I hated him and despised him, and I loathed his behavior virtually all of the time. I also loathed myself and what I had become. I was an angry, controlling nag who never gave the man (or anyone else for that matter) a minute's peace. Not that he deserved it in my omnipotent opinion, but I really disliked myself and everyone else disliked me too.
A very strange thing happened just about the exact time I found my divorce lawyer. That was the day my RAH "hit his bottom" (so far as I know because you can never accurately predict what another person will do and you can never say never about an alcoholic). I can only say that he has not taken a drink in well over two years, to the best of my knowledge.
Now, for those who think all is perfect now, it is not. It is hard...really hard...because I must always be vigilant of the part I played in our relationship issues and I still have issues with that on occasion. He, on the other hand can slip back in to that condescending, arrogant attitude as well. We have to kind of "check" each other...not by controlling, but by stating simple facts, such as "I am not going to accept you speaking to me like that" or "I will not go back to living the way we were before" (not referring to the drinking, but to the other behaviors).
We both have flaws and I think we can see them much more clearly in each other now and can accept the other person for who they are (warts and all) lol
So, spending an entire month in the company of a person I could not tollerate for even a day and who could not tolerate me for a day once seemed impossible. Now, it is a nice reminder of what we can do to work together for enjoyment. He gives and I give. Travel was impossible when he was drinking and is now a completely different (and enjoyable) experience. We still get on each other's nerves from time to time, but I truly thank God for AA, Al-Anon, and for MIP because without any one of these, I would still be a very unhappy, angry,and lonely woman, destroying my happiness and the happiness of all of those around me. Now I can just be...in the moment...not all of the time, but a great deal more of the time than in the past.
I hope this "ESH" helps at least one person because I found the ESH on this site to be a true lifesaver during my dark times.
Peace to you all and please enjoy the new avatar. This is a Bald Eagle and reminds me that a creature once virtually extinct, is now thriving in the wild (where this photo was taken). If an Eagle species can soar again, so can we.
Delighted to read your story Doingmybest. That is a fantastic turnaround. I have seen ESH written a couple of times and am not sure what it stands for (Emotional Support?) MIP - (meetings in person?)
Hi DMB, I am happy to read that you are vacationing and that your home is celebrating sobriety. Iknow that it is not an easy road and I appreciate your clarity and honesty.
Keep using your tools, trust HP and enjoy the vacation one day at a time.
"FF" " ESH" stands for experience , strength and hope
Great, great share DoingmyBest - love your honesty and ESH. Sending tons of (((Hugs))) to you and your husband - it does work when we work it.
Have a great time - sounds like an awesome trip/vacation!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank guy's! I hope this helps some who wonder if it is ever. Possible to be happy..
ESH (experience, strength, hope)
MIP (miracles in progress)... basically the name of this site (and all Al-Anon members)
RAH (recovering alcoholic husband)
AA (Alcoholics Anonymous)
Al-Anon (companion to Aa for people affected by an alcoholic or alcoholism in any way...past or present)
On a personal note, if any of you ever have the opportunity to visit Ketchikan, Alaska, make sure to take a ride on the Aleutian Ballad. It is the boat from the TV series The Deadliest Catch. It is the boat that was ruined by a rogue wave on season two. It has been re-invented as a tour boat and is AMAZING! We nott only learned about all aspects of king/snow/other types of crab and a crab fisherman's life, but experienced the most amazing Bald Eagle display I could ever have imagined. There were easily 30 birds or more at one particular spot and the sight was really something to behold! You also get the most amazing photos and have FUN!!!
I have no reason to recommend this except that we found to an exhilarating and amazing experience so I wanted to pass it on!
Amie you paint the picture of the miracle of recovery so very well because for me the outcome is I feel what hope really feels like. My sponsor recently in speaking to my sponsee and myself said that the greatest fear he has ever felt is the fear of being powerless. I would agree he would also love your share here. Marvelous. Mahalo ((((hugs))))
Hi DoingMyBest,
I found the same thing as you as my hubby found sobriety..... and we travel together too. I would not spend 5 minutes in the same room with him before he found AA. Now we spend weeks together and we both survive. I'm sure he has lots to say about my issues but he doesn't usually. I also found that the closer we get to the end of the trip, the behavior starts to deteriorate and the more I have to lean on the program and all the tools we have to keep our sanity. But the difference now is that I recognize what is happening faster and I can check my motives, check my actions and my words and determine what my part in it is.... and then I can change what I have to change and ignore what I have to ignore.
"Now, for those who think all is perfect now, it is not. It is hard...really hard...because I must always be vigilant of the part I played in our relationship issues and I still have issues with that on occasion. He, on the other hand can slip back in to that condescending, arrogant attitude as well." That condescending, arrogant attitude used to make me freeze and totally change me. Now, it makes me freeze for about a second and then my AlAnon kicks in and I can have a happy day.
Enjoy Alaska. We traveled there last year. We started the trip as a cruise. Then we took a trip from Fairbanks to Deadhorse in a small airplane and then back to Fairbanks in a van along the Alaska highway. The whole state is incredible in how huge it is, and desolate it is, and how they arrange their lives when the permafrost is just a meter under their feet.
