The material presented
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm keeping an eye on my ah for esophageal/rectal varices. I have found blood and quite a bit at a time but it never dawned on me it could be varices. I had never heard of this problem until a friend of mine told me her husband died from esophageal varices. He bled out on the bathroom floor,she called an ambulance and got him to the hospital and they were able to stop the bleeding but he was combative and started bleeding again and this time bled to death. Another friends father in law bled to death on the living room floor but she said his colon ruptured. Another thing to worry about with an alcoholic. If they only realized how death can be just because they drink. How I would love to find info on this and leave it for my husband but last time I did it he threw the pamphlets and book at me hitting me in the leg with a big heavy book. So I sit and wait for something to happen. He's also losing his hearing and refuses to get a hearing aid. That's causing problems. He doesn't hear me right or doesn't hear me at all. Or his mind is so fried he's "hearing things". He gets belligerent with me thinking I said something to him when I haven't. The other day he got that way and I told him "you want to start something again,This time I'll finish it!" He had thought I said something or thought I was mad about something when I wasn't. But he had been home all day drinking since early morning. He had a strange look on his face like he didn't know what was going on.
He has a work trip coming up in a couple of weeks. I get a week alone and sooo looking forward to it. But I keep thinking he's in the bathroom 4 times in an hour....how can he sit through these meetings,classes and dinners without having to leave the room all the time.
I don't know if I'm preparing for what can happen but it's always on my mind the ifs and when's and how's....
Varices can be repaired relatively easily. For alcoholics this is often also connected to liver failure but not always. The physician can order tests to find out of that's the case. But whether there is liver failure or not continued drinking will undo any repairs to the varices.....I'm sorry you're dealing with this. You made an effort to provide some information on the condition and he lashed out at you. Probably not going to get any different results with new info. Next time You might let the doctors and nurses give him the info. At some point this condition will drive him to the doctor's office or possibly the hospital.
I am sending you huge hugs and light/peace tonight, Pixie b/c I feel like I could have wrote this post! My husband is always bleeding in some manner... he gets scared and constantly complains of his ills to me, but refuses to go to the doctor. I did research varices, and even told him about it, but his interest is only temporary. Because once they " go away," he just begins drinking again.
What i feel the hardest thing for me to deal with at this point is what you talked about with your Qualifier... namely the hearing things. He thinks I have said something or feel a certain way and he gets angry and belligerent at those things. I used to calmly tell him I didn't say those things, but it ends up not being worth it because of his anger. I swear he is losing his mind!
Peace and light to you!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Yes alcoholism is a dreadful fatal disease over which we are powerless. My husband passed from Esophageal cancer 6 years after he stopped drinking age 49 and my son passed from the disease as well at age 41.
I have found that keeping the focus on their actions and attempting to inform them of the dangers does not help- I did best when, I turned the focus back to my actions and thoughts, attended alanon meetings, lived one day at a time and accepted that I was powerless over others Please keep coming back
It sounds like your in a rough place. Focusing on another human being stops us living our own life. Looking after our own health and well being is our job not babysitting and adult man because it prolongs the agony for everyone. He's sick he is an alcoholic unfortunately there is nothing anyone can do unless he reaches his own bottom and has enough. You watching fretting worrying send him a clear message that he doesn't have to take responsibility for his own life because your doing it. Alanon helped me realise this and I learned how to see him and me as separate people with our own life to lead.
Hi, Pixie, I so understand the anxieties that go along with this disease. I also have experienced an alcoholic loved one having the problems with various organs, plus hearing loss, plus cognitive impairment ... so frustrating and crazy-making (for them as well as for us). I feel blessed that I managed to keep some remnant of my own sanity, and that was only with the help of Al Anon and a dear friend who understood.
The slogan "One Day at a Time" was my mainstay. I also learned from my sponsor -- thank HP I found one at the right time -- that, when my husband had to go to the Emergency Room or be admitted to the hospital, I did not have to stay there. I could make sure he got there, and then go home and take care of myself. The doctors and hospital staff could call me (and they did) if they needed to speak with me.
A couple of times, doctors at the hospital advised me to get rid of all alcohol in the house before he came home. I followed the doctors' advice, and as many here can testify, that did not do any long-term good. But at the time it felt satisfying and gave me something to do, rather than just pacing around feeling anxious.
My thoughts are with you. I'm so glad you found MIP and can come here whenever you need to.
So sorry for the concerns the disease brings....it's a bit overwhelming and I too almost lost my mind with worry over what could/would happen. I too found peace when I was able to turn my focus back to me vs. what is well beyond my control.
I can tell you that having lung issues run in my family and a couple deaths from Emphysema did not assist me to stop smoking. I can also share that when I was active with alcoholism, and others around me passed on, it did not stop me from drinking again/still/onward. No words would have changed my path/journey until I was ready/willing to admit my powerlessness. I do believe at the time my mindset was immature - it will never happen to me...the "I am invincible." So - even those I loved dearly could not reason with me - my recovery came when I hit my bottom and decided I needed help.
I know this is a tough disease to watch others suffer with....keep coming back and know that you are not alone!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
My early realization was that alcohol affects everything it comes into contact with. I experienced it by watching my family and many others in my life including my former alcoholic addict wife and a majority of others in my life. I went to college to learn much more and lots of the lessons were sickening as I came to understand without question that this is the most powerful and scary disease in existence. It predates the life of the Christ by 6 thousand years and I felt powerlessness as I had never done before. If it was that powerful what the hell did I think I was going to do against it? I came to believe and know I wasn't alone just as on this board...we are not alone we get help from others and pass it on to others still. Alcohol is anesthetic and kills sensitivities and it is astringent it can and will dilute blood and alter the blood cell structure and much more. Our disease is a fatal disease whether we die quietly or bleeding to death on the floor. I have heard of and seen infants and many innocents die as a direct result of alcohol. That is why I keep coming back. Thanks for the support. (((((hugs)))))
