The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am currently dealing with an alcoholic wife. . We have been together for almost six years. During that time, she has picked up three DUIs. She has been to jail three times and rehab four times.
Each and every time the famous words I am done, I am never drinking again were said over and over. All of her letters had the same content, I am sorry, I was sick, but I have reached my bottom and will never drink again. Each and every time I believed her. Always took her back.
After the third DUI, I told her that I was done with her drinking and going to jail. I had enough. The drinking stopped for a while, and then came back with a vengeance. Lo and behold, I was out of town for a few hours and she was arrested again.
Right now she is in jail for her fourth DUI. She will arraigned tomorrow.
This time is different. Her words of I am done, etc. are falling on deaf ears. I do not want to go back to that life.
I dont think I can ever believe her again. At the very end, I had to hide the keys every night and take them to work each day so she would not drive. When I went out of town the last time (about four hours) I had the keys with me. She somehow found a spare key I had not seen in years and away she went.
I believe this time she is in for a large sentence. Last time she served about 9 months. She is on probation for the last one, so I assume this time will be prison.
After her third DUI, I went to Al/Anon for a little while; I was not there for the right reasons. I was looking for a way to help her stop, not help myself. I obviously did not find it. I stopped going.
After this last DUI, I spoke with a guy who also has an alcoholic wife. We formed our own two-person group! We live in a very small town with no active local group. I have also obviously found this on-line group. Wow what an eye opener! People that have the same issues as I do! I am not alone! J
I have been reading so many posts that speak right to me. It was time to add my own.
Not sure what the future holds, but I am now part of this group and working on myself.
Welcome T84,
I am sorry you are going through this. Unfortunately, alcoholism is a progressive disease that only gets worse in time. In Alanon you will meet people going through the same things you are going through that makes me feel not so abnormal. It is tough trying to talk to people who have not dealt with the disease in a loved one. That is great you have been able to form your own group, there are probably more people out there that could use the fellowship.
It sounds like your wife is going to be away for quite awhile if she was already on probation. Sometimes jail can be a big awakening. Nine months is a longtime. You are not alone, glad you found us!
Welcome to MIP T84. So sorry you are on such a rough road right now. We find in Al-Anon that no matter how much we love the alcoholic we didn't cause the disease, can't control it nor can we cure it. We can only work on ourselves and allow the A to find their own solution. Sometimes the consequences of their drinking gets painful enough for them to seek sobriety and sometimes not. We have been affected by the disease too and can recover with working the steps and traditions of Al-Anon. F2F meetings are also very beneficial if you can find a local meeting in addition to this online site. Neither my RAH nor my RASon found sobriety until they suffered the legal consequences of their actions and I stepped back and minded my business, allowing them to mind theirs. Thank you for your share and please keep coming back.
-- Edited by Stan1 on Thursday 1st of June 2017 09:09:37 PM
-- Edited by Stan1 on Thursday 1st of June 2017 09:10:42 PM
I am currently dealing with an alcoholic wife. . We have been together for almost six years. During that time, she has picked up three DUIs. She has been to jail three times and rehab four times.
Each and every time the famous words I am done, I am never drinking again were said over and over. All of her letters had the same content, I am sorry, I was sick, but I have reached my bottom and will never drink again. Each and every time I believed her. Always took her back.
After the third DUI, I told her that I was done with her drinking and going to jail. I had enough. The drinking stopped for a while, and then came back with a vengeance. Lo and behold, I was out of town for a few hours and she was arrested again.
Right now she is in jail for her fourth DUI. She will arraigned tomorrow.
This time is different. Her words of I am done, etc. are falling on deaf ears. I do not want to go back to that life.
I dont think I can ever believe her again. At the very end, I had to hide the keys every night and take them to work each day so she would not drive. When I went out of town the last time (about four hours) I had the keys with me. She somehow found a spare key I had not seen in years and away she went.
I believe this time she is in for a large sentence. Last time she served about 9 months. She is on probation for the last one, so I assume this time will be prison.
After her third DUI, I went to Al/Anon for a little while; I was not there for the right reasons. I was looking for a way to help her stop, not help myself. I obviously did not find it. I stopped going.
After this last DUI, I spoke with a guy who also has an alcoholic wife. We formed our own two-person group! We live in a very small town with no active local group. I have also obviously found this on-line group. Wow what an eye opener! People that have the same issues as I do! I am not alone! J
I have been reading so many posts that speak right to me. It was time to add my own.
Not sure what the future holds, but I am now part of this group and working on myself.
Welcome. So, now you are here for the right reasons. Good for you. For me, having gone through a lot of what you are going through, one thing that really got to me, and kind of did me in -- was that I felt like I was giving a never-ending supply of one more chance. It killed me. What killed me was that I beat myself up and was so hard on myself for once again believing and once again giving her one last chance. I was angry -- at myself -- about it. But I was also angry at her...for so called "conning" me, for lying to me, for getting me to believe her, and so on. But none of that was true. She was sick. She had a disease.
OK, on to you. Make your group official. Get it registered with World Services and your local Al-Anon information services office, local affiliation, etc. -- because there are others out there! Watch and see. People will show up.
Anyway, keep focusing on you. Keep doing the work on yourself. You have already started getting better -- and you will keep getting better. Keep coming back.
__________________
Bo
Keep coming back...
God, grant me the serenity...to accept the PEOPLE I cannot change...the courage to change the ONE I can...and the wisdom to know it's ME...
My wife is just wrapping up probation for her 3rd. I hope this is the last one for her, and I know it is the last one for me, because I cannot go back to living with an active alcoholic. Time will tell if she stays in recovery or not.
I had to smile when I read about you and the car keys. I did the same. Carried all keys with me every day, left all spare keys locked in my office. If she got confrontational about driving, I'd actually disable the vehicles. losen the battery bolts, disconnect the starter wire, etc. That way, even if she managed to get a key and get in, it wouldn't start.
Thanks to AlAnon, I can look back on those memories with a certain amount of humor. And now, I have the tools I need to set firm boundaries and enforce them.
Glad to have you in the group, I hope you keep coming back.
__________________
Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
I too send warm welcomes T84 - so glad you found us and glad that you are here....keep coming back - help and hope is always here in recovery!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
