The material presented
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Haven't been here in a while. It seems the last few months have been better or maybe I just am so used to the bad behaviour and binging I just don't care anymore. Tomorrow will be another day of him sleeping all day and not accomplishing anything because he will be hungover. Our plans for tomorrow night will be cancelled. I will spend the day by myself doing all the work around the house by myself. Then he will be fine for a couple of weeks then boom, right back at it. I said out loud tonight, why am I staying with this man? Because the good times are good? Because I'm supposed to take the good with the bad?because my family loves him? Because we get along so great when he is sober? Becuase I don't want to be alone at 50 ? I could make myself crazy analyzing my situation. Yes people, I know I cannot change him or control him however he could change if he really wanted to. People get sober all the time or at least try. Resentment...I guess that's what I feel lately. Pretty close to pulling the plug on a 10 year realationship which is frightening. Just about done. Anyway, thanks for listening.
At one stage or another, I've wanted to string all of my qualifier's up and force a bit of spine into them. Its natural to feel that way at some stage or many stages of the journey. I hear you and the lonliness and the frustration. I hope you get the chance to do something nice for yourself today, just because. Keep coming back.
So sorry JennyP for how the disease has affected you.....so sorry that you're frustrated and down. I can relate so much to your share! I will admit that the fellowship of the recovery rooms saved me from much of that and while my program friends don't replace a husband in my life, they complement all that I want for me today nicely.
I hear a bit of projection about the weekend - if possible, perhaps you can stay present, just for right now. When I had a day of chores to do and felt disappointed that others would not/could not help, I put in ear buds and just went to town. I always feel better after I do - something....anything....that's productive for me or my space.
Keep coming back. There is hope and help in recovery!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Sorry Jenny,
I know what that is like to do all the chores around the house while someone is sleeping in the bed. Now, my son lives with me, who does not drink, but at times I still feel like I am doing a lot by myself. Although, I do not have to look at someone in bed all day, which can be aggravating. It is so hard to not get inside your head, I have the "Just for Today" poem on my refrigerator. Try to stay positive!
Hugs JP, I get it .. My xah was always working .. So everything was on me even plans to do anything .. On me. It gets tiring doing the emotional work. So .. What about you? What do you want? What if he's sleeping and you want to do something? I made a decision to stop waiting on my xah to change to begin living and just start living. The first way I did that was attending weekly meetings. I encourage you to do that .. First thing first. You can be happy regardless if the alcoholic is drinking or not. What du you want?? Hugs s :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
