I apologize for this being so tardy .. lol .. typical day where I realized I raced out of the house and left my book/s at home and thought about the fact as I was digging around in the trunk of my car fighting with the wind since I actually wore a dress.  LOL .. oh the joys at times .. anyways .. better late than never. 

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Today's story about the woman who used her Will and refused to admit that she was powerless over alcoholism.  She was going to "make" her AH sober at all costs.  Not only was he going to be sober .. he was going to like it and everyone else was going to go along with her plan .. LOL the hysterics that ensue right?  It's almost like a bad I Love Lucy episode.  Thankfully the other players in her theatrics understood what was really going on.  Bless her AH .. I think I might have pause to drink just to tone it out. 

Boy oh boy can I relate to that .. I used to feel that my way was the right way and there were no other options.  I did not listen to my XAH .. at all .. forget about mutual respect.  Zero.  I struggle now for different reasons however really see my part in where things fell apart.  When I came to alanon I came to find out how to get my XAH sober after all HE was the problem .. I was the helpless victim of his irresponsible ways.  So if he would just get sober everything else would be fine.  I tried on multiple occasions .. I tried my damnest even after we split hoping that last car wreck would do it.  I thought going to jail again would do it.  He did do some meetings at a the Christian Recovery .. oh darn it I forget .. anyways I thought that was actually helping .. I think it was however he stopped going.  It wasn't until I admitted fully that MY life was fully out of control that I was powerless over addiction.  That was when I finally started seeing consistent relief from the insanity of my thoughts.  I stopped being so consumed by him and started slowly and painfully picking up the pieces of my life that things really started to get right.  For me that correlated with my divorce FINALLY being done.  That was just like a sore that kept getting dug open over and over again it's no wonder it got septic. 

The other fallacy I had was there are 12 steps how stupid can people actually be that there were people in the program for 20+ years and OMGOSH .. seriously?  12 steps, 1 a month a couple I could probably do 2 a month .. LOL.  Yah .. I'll let you know how that worked for me .. it didn't.  LOL .. I am grateful to the people who encouraged me to keep coming back. 

I am left to wonder if this poor soul ever realized how utterly powerless she was over addiction and her life was completely unmanageable even though she did a good job of pretending it was all fine if only he would just listen to her.  I wonder how much she actually listened to him. 

Hugs all :)