The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I keep trying to just be friends with my A ex-bf. It has been sort of alright but he use to be very controlling. All my friends I met through him. I stopped seeing everyone because when we broke up I did not want any reminders of my ex-bf and our relationship. He was very emotionally abusive, probably more than I even realize. We live in a small town and even when we broke up everyone still associate me with him. I would like to change that. I need to get back out around people and have a fuller life. The problem is that he will some how find out what I am doing because he talks to people where I live. He has been very critical of any person I talked to. He has moved to a different town, and I think I have to change my phone number and just cut all ties with him so he does not call me and insult me. He says bad stuff about my son who lives with me for no reason. I know it is a form of abuse and control.
I finally have a car to drive. I have been stuck at home for quite awhile. There are a couple of Alanon meetings in the town I live. I can't wait to go and start rebuilding my life.
Hi Sharon It does sound as if you might need to UN friend him on face book and stop taking his calls. Establishing a new social circle would also work well.
I would also try to make new friends by attending different classes, going to he gym, practicing Yoga mediation and naturally alanon meetings You are not alone.
(((Sharon))) - yay for transportation! That will help you with your intended recovery journey. Just for one day at a time, try to focus on you, what you need and what you want. I am in agreement with Betty - try some different things, just for you. I found that when I am in a better place, I attract better friends. You are not alone - sending you positive thoughts and prayers!
You can certainly block him as you want, when you want and how you want. As I got more sane, I did step away from many 'friends' as I'd rather have quality than quantity. I try to hang with like-minded people who are 'real' and it's such a better way to hang.
Be true to you, seek your recovery and I'm sure you'll find a wonderful modified life - that's what we get when we work this program! (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks Betty and Iamhere. I have been writing about the same thing over and over, it was so easy when he was drinking to block his number and not talk to him. I am excited about getting out of the house by myself. My son has been giving me rides but he is always in a hurry. I work at home and do not really talk to any of the people I work with. It is so pretty in the spring and very uplifting. There is a really nice park I like to go to and walk the trails but these are all solitary things and I do miss talking to people besides my family.
When I lived in the country I totally miss others. Alanon DID help me get less isolated and I can't imagine not having a car!!! Good for YOU!!!
The isolation was AWFUL and I hated it.
I'm on board with blocking and not engaging only because you are trying to move forward and I don't understand what I would get out of the violation of my serenity. One of the reasons I moved was my XAH did not need to know my business and if he's out of the area anyways then there's even less reason for yours to know.
More than willing to be civil meaning .. small talk on a rare occasion I am not required to stay in contact with any X after our relationship is over. It is what it is.
Hope your week is a good one and congrats on the ability to get to meetings that's huge :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
I agree that un friending him sounds like a good idea and also going to meetings and finding new friends who are on a Spiritual path. Do you have any other interests such as yoga, sports , crafts. There may be a group in your town. sending Light !! xx
Cool about the car. Sometimes I do fake it till I make it, being, "acting as if not" until eventually it becomes so. As if he's not part of my life which by the sounds of it he's not. Eventually people get the message, nothing to hear here, and move on.
Cool about your car!
I really like where I live, and there are things I can get involved with if I make an effort. Recovery is not a quick thing and transformation does not happen overnight. I am feeling so much better about myself and my situation though. Thanks everyone, being on this forum had helped me a lot.
