The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Through a lot of work in counseling and alanon, I had come to forgive my alcoholic mother for abandoning me, but I took my forgiveness as I need to try to reach out to her again. I did this recently only to be hurt and disappointed again. She is getting older and her health is deteriorating. I figured I need to try again before she dies. I'm only hurting myself again by reaching out to her. My former sponsor told me before she died that we in alanon have to let our alcoholics go to their death. This means we have to allow them to kill themselves with alcohol if that is their choice. No matter what I do my mother will not change. I have to let her go and forgive her but not hurt myself by reaching out to her or waiting for her to apologize to me.
Great awareness and acceptance Kellygirl. So true. I needed to forgive so as I could let go of the anger and resentment and not have a relationship with the person Glad you are here.
Kellygirl, thank you for posting this, and for putting it in the subject line. This is a great reminder for me, as I have been working on forgiveness. I am so glad to read how you have realized this. Letting go can feel sad or strange, but it is also freeing ourselves.
I have come to understand that quite often the best tool that HP has when working with the alcoholic and addict is the Al-Anon member. Our recovery is often most loving for them...a value they don't want to loose. Keep up the loving relationship you have built in spite of how she is...(((hugs)))
Thank you friends. There is a part of me that is a glutton for punishment where I need to reach out to the alcoholic when I know the outcome is no good. I hope I can finally stop hurting myself for good.
Kellygirl,
Forgiveness can be a powerful thing. It can be hard to do sometimes and it takes work. I applaud you for having the courage to reach out to your mother knowing that she might be the same person she has always been. Addiction causes so many heartaches for family members. Remember that you are not alone, and let go an let god.
(((Kellygirl12))) - I believe there is no shame in loving an alcoholic. I believe there is no shame in hoping for things to be different and lastly, by given those you care about a chance, you are not 'wrong' or worthy of self-criticism. Instead, you are leading with the best of intentions to change a broken relationship....where the program helps for me is going back to the well and understanding it may or may not be dry but that I will be OK either way.
I don't give 'up' on people - instead, I improve me so that I can love them unconditional up-close or from afar. Be gentle with you!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
