The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The ODA T reading for May 14 speaks about Step One and the word "surrender". The reading suggests that the difference between the act of submission and that of surrender is that in submission we have reached the point where we" appear to accept" reality consciously but unconsciously we think "one day we will conquer this" .There is no real acceptance . The struggle is still going on.
If we are able to accept our powerlessness on the unconscious level we are then able to "surrender" . There is no residual struggle and we experience freedom from strain, and conflict.
The quote is from Dr. Harry Tiebout" acceptance appears to be a state of mind in which the individual accepts rather than rejects or resists. He is able to take things in to go along with to cooperate and be receptive ."
I know that I experienced the miracle of surrender after a few months of attending alanon meetings. and actually using the slogans and tools. At first I challenged the concept of powerlessness and tried desperately to dis-prove it. One day I found that I was no longer in combat mode and had finally accepted that alcoholism was a disease over which I was powerless. .
Thank you for your service and your share, hotrod. I remind myself daily and sometimes hourly to surrender, to let go, and mostly I am fine. I have accepted that my qualifier drinks and stopped trying to control it in any way. What I am still learning is understanding which behavior is unacceptable and which is acceptable (and I should not meddle, just let go). I'm getting better at categorizing it and mostly stopped tolerating **** from my abf. Also I've noticed that once I HALT and see that 2 things refer to me (especially if i happen to be Angry and Tired) at the moment, I'm sure to be headed for trouble program-wise and mood-wise, and surrender of any kind becomes a problem. I see that the program really is working only if we work it. So grateful it exists... Nice day to you all!
Good topic... I have gotten back to this point time and time again... whether or not I actually enabled the drinking. I always saw the drinking as pretty inevitable. As I grew up the drinking culture was something I aspired to be a part of. But looking back this was peer pressure, much more than actual desire to 'enjoy a few drinks'.
"That'll put hair on your chest" was what I heard a lot.
I filled a void in our family by providing firewood- and I also made sure the pigs were fed. Our property was supplied with water by way of an open channel, and I became a part of the cleaning gang at an early age.
But the point the reading makes- is the difference between surrender, and submission. I am aware that the drinking culture, and these aspects of life were characteristic of the 50's and 60's... these characteristics are around nowadays, but not nearly so much. The status of women has improved considerably since then, too.
Children has to submit to the will of parents, and school too-in those days. Today there has to be some compliance; but the conditions of existence do not seem nearly so harsh these days.
I used to believe I had to apologise for the way my family was. And I was submissive and shy.... Today I have a certain amount of self pride, and confidence.
Today I seem to have power with, and for... ...rather than none to come and go on. Going to Alanon meetings taught me a good balance.
Thank you for sharing this page and for your service, Betty, and Aline and David for your ESH.
The topic of acceptance is a core of the program, and this page continues to have great impact on me; the Reminder tells me: "...complete acceptance of my powerlessness to change the alcoholic can, indeed, create a new life for me. When I really let go and stop playing God, things will begin to happen."
For me, when I feel my serenity slipping, it is an indication that I am role-playing God, and I am a terrible actor. My motives, speech or behavior will give away whether I am truly accepting, or just saying I am, waiting for a chance to shape things to my preference.
Great page, grateful for the reminder
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Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Good morning and happy Mother's Day to one and all! I agree - great page, grateful always for the reminder of accepting what is and surrendering to what is not..... I also remind myself often during my waking hours that I'm a child of my HP, he wants me happy, joyous and free and surrendering is a form of trust. When I surrender, I feel like I am truly trusting in a power greater than me.
For any interested, the Joel Osteen sermon today is a good one! Called Knowing You are Loved.....it reminds me that no matter what I do, who I think I am or what I've done, God (HP) loves me as I am.
I'm off in a bit to a meeting, then a relaxing middle of the day and then 4 softball games tonight! Make it a great day and thanks everyone for your shares and ESH and service!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
