The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's c2c discusses the difficulties many of us face when trying to make decisions. Many of us that have lived in alcoholic chaos dread and avoid making decisions for fear that no matter what we decide, the consequences will be something we must "suffer". We also may perceive that there is a single "magical right decision" that we are meant to arrive at, and we avoid committing to any choice for fear that we are sure to choose incorrectly. Then, after we have committed to a choice, we may second guess and regret whatever we have chosen- perhaps even obsessively.
The reading points out that firstly, consequences need not be something we suffer; whether they are what we hoped for or not, we can both celebrate the fact that we were brave enough to make a decision and turn the results over to our HP, and also, whatever happens (I would add), we can learn and grow from the experience whether it is enjoyable or disappointing.
The reading also points out that choosing not to decide is in fact making a decision. Instead of dreading making choices and leaving them until the last minute, making choices can instead be liberating when we trust that the results will happen exactly as they ought. We can even look forward to the consequences, whatever they may be.
The reading reminds us to have faith in our ability to take action.
"Sometimes our enthusiasm for change depends on our willingness to take a chance on tomorrow by risking what we have today" (Living With Sobriety)
***
As always, this reading is deliciously apt for me today. I have spent the last couple of days in an agonising back and forth over how to proceed on a certain academic matter and meanwhile been miserably aware of the clock running down. After reading this, I did what I ought to have done days ago; made the best decision I can make and handed the result over to my HP. Having now done this, I feel a million times lighter and ready to enjoy Mother's Day with my daughter tomorrow rather than spending another day twisting in the wind and obsessively trying to predict the outcome (which wont be known for several days).
Yet another fabulous gift of the program was the discovery that I am, in fact, a capable and rational person and I can trust myself to make decisions based on the information I have without needing approval or a way to be certain of the outcome beforehand. This gift is something that i cherish and I'm grateful to have been reminded of it today when I very much needed to use it!
Happy Weekend, everyone, and Happy Mother's Day to all that celebrate it this weekend!!
Great remnder Ms.M. Wanting to be "Perfect", have all positive outcomes and everyone's approval hindered my decision making. My sponsor suggested that nothing was written in stone and that I could always change my mind . This helped to free me from the insane loop and like you have experienced a huge weight lifted.
Have a Lovely Mother's day and thanks for your service
Another great page, thank you for your service and all for your shares. As I read this, I thought of two factors that make my decisions more difficult than they need to be: 1) fear of making the "wrong" decision, and 2) trying to account for every possible contingency or outcome.
Both of these come down to (surprise!) Step 1, my control tendency wrestling with accepting that I am powerless. When I follow the wisdom and stop trying to control outcomes, allow things to work out as they will, and trust in the guidance of my higher power to help me one day at a time, my serenity returns...
It works when I work it...Thoughts and prayers to all of the Mothers, those who rejoice but particularly those who struggle...to all, peace
__________________
Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Wow thanks for this! I have sooooo much trouble making decisions because of both of those points Enigmatic mentioned. I take forever trying to think of every possible outcome. It's terrible!
