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I just got back from my 2-hour hearing, and wanted to share with you all... the judge accepted my parenting plan as is, and stated in court that it was apparent that my AH has a drinking problem and is not doing anything about it, and that she found me to be a credible witness. She commented that many parents come in trying to keep the other parent from having more time with the kids, but she heard me clearly say that I believed it was important for our sons to spend time with their dad, to have a male role model, and that they love him very much, *but* his secrecy/lying and unwillingness to do anything to show that he was safe to drive were affecting that time.
I was calm and as clear and dispassionate as I could be. My friend who accompanied me said that I came across as kind and compassionate. I'm not sure that is what I felt inside, but I did feel calm, and not vindictive or anything.
Whew am I glad that is over for now! So my 12 year old has every other weekend with his dad, ending during the day time so I don't have to deal with his nighttime unpleasantness (likely drinking). My 14 year old doesn't have to go, but is strongly encouraged to. And they have dinner with their dad every other Wed. And I said he can make plans with them in town (i.e., take them to dinner, movie, park) much more than that, which he hasn't done so far... he spends time with them only up at his house.
I did my best, and then turned it over to my HP for the highest good for all.
Our final hearing likely won't be til fall. Because I have sole custody/decision making, I guess I will get maintenance and child support for now. I have no idea if this will be a wakeup call for my AH or he will isolate himself even more, but I have done what I can do.
Oh, his chaotic behavior was on display too. He did not turn in his financial statement that was due weeks ago. He retained an attorney just 2 days ago, but his atty was not available, so he represented himself in court. He was not prepared. He was late. He walked in and when he put down his keys and paperwork, a can of chewing tobacco spilled out too. He told me he doesn't do this any more, and when I just reapplied for his medical insurance, I said he was not a tobacco user, so now I know he still is and that is another hoop to jump through. But for today, I am going to relax in the present.
Thank you for your help, support, suggestions and ESH. I could not do it without you guys. I could not have made it through the last 3 years without this board and its 24/7 wisdom and shared ups, down, struggles, triumphs. I am so grateful.
(((Hugs))) - it sounds lovely! You done good.....keep working it and I agree - relaxing with your friend sounds like a grand plan! Thanks for the update - you've been on my mind since your other post! Glad it's over for now!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Woo hoo :) Sounds like it all went great :) I'm so glad to hear that you are done at the moment and can continue to move forward and do what is best for your kiddos :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
(((Oceanpine))) Sounds like your day went as well as could be expected and that you carried yourself well. Working the program One Day At A Time so it works for you. Thank you for sharing the update.
