The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Yes I did return and no we did not revert to old patterns . I returned to work full time and He remained sober. We rekindled our "old feelings" just before he was diagnosed with incurable cancer. He stayed sober for 7 years and died sober.I am grateful. I remained in alanon and I never reverted to my former destructive tools.
Have any of you ever gone back to a recovering alcoholic after a time apart? How did it work? Did you just fall into the same old habits?
Yes.
Very well at first.
Yes.
Then, I decided to get better. I ended the relationship, focused on me, and committed to doing the work and getting better.
Each case is different. My sponsor separated from his AW...they got back together and have been together since. They have a wonderful marriage...and in his case...that was possible, and that was the case...because she got better, committed to recovery, wanted to live a clean and sober, and healthy life, etc. -- and his position was that he couldn't have done that is she was still drinking.
Every single person, every single case, is different.
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Bo
Keep coming back...
God, grant me the serenity...to accept the PEOPLE I cannot change...the courage to change the ONE I can...and the wisdom to know it's ME...
Yes, we were separated for 2 years and did get back together. He chose sobriety and I chose to mind my own business 20 years ago and that seems to work better for both of us.
tealfighter - I never left but we certainly 'separated' at the home front. My AH never returned to a recovery program even though we met there and married after what I thought was 'normal dating/courtship'. We did not rush to it is my point. When I discovered his sneaking/drinking, I was destroyed and devastated and had just taken separation from my career to deal with some issues with my boys. I was not in recovery and was crazier than I have time to describe...
He's switched things up because of health - drinks way, way less and now is a pill popper. I worked this program, got healthy and set some boundaries that have made things workable. We do not have a perfect marriage nor do we have the timeless love-story I always wanted. But we do make it work as best we can one day at a time.
I agree that each scenario is different. My sponsor tried to make her first marriage work and opted out. She then met/married a fellow program person AA and they have a fantastic marriage. I believe that we will get out of life what we put into it, one day at a time, keeping the focus on us.
(((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I went back a number of times. Looking back, if I had to do it again I would have waited until he had really solid recovery of a year or more. It was hard to tell if he was drinking because he was always secretive - to this day I have never seen him take a drink. So he'd say he was going to AA (and he did, for a while, several times) and he'd seem as if he wasn't drinking. So I'd start up again with him. But eventually the fact that he was drinking would become clear - slurring, passing out, DUI's, etc. Then we'd start the whole cycle again.
Eventually I left and did not go back. It is thirteen years later and he is still drinking.
Hi! I was separated from my RAH for several months. This was after several other short separations. Each time it was promised that the drinking would decrease and each time it would only be worse. After the last horrible incident, I finally hit my bottom. I just couldn't live like that anymore. My AH moved out, got his own place and finally sought recovery. We each worked our own program and continue to do so. He is almost 2 years sober now and because of our program work, our marriage has never been better.
He is recovering. He has been sober 3 years. Stoped going to AA a year and a half ago. Him and I started to suffer almost immediately after he quite going. I don't want to give up. I probably never will in my heart. May move on eventually. But hopefully he will eventually come to his senses. But he may never. I know I will miss him forever and love him forever. What the future holds, who knows.
Sending you positive thoughts and prayers.....I hear you and so understand!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
