Hello, Like so many I too, have been reading posts etc hoping to find or more so- let reality set in. Like a concrete slab to what I believe I already know. I'm a 44 yr old divorced mom of 3. Youngest is special needs so I still have to work pt around him. I lived a typical very normal life with my ex of 21 years. Life sure changed.. Met what at the time is say, seemed to be the love of my life. From the start things concerned me.but I was blind. He loved going out to bars and sometimes until the next day. 9am..10am etc always had an excuse and apology back than anyway. Fast forward.. we've lived together now for 2 yrs (together 4 ) he's not a typical man like is be with. He dies not want to answer to anyone, feels no need to, still loves his bars and late nights. Can't stick to a time he says ever! Just goes to the extreme. I had come across a special book..he hasn't told me about. He claimed he went to meetings and stopped drinking and going out for about 3 months. I think less. But that was right before we met. He does drink everyday (claims that's not an A), when at bars does his beers and shots of Jack. This is usually also at least twice a week if not more.hes called out from work on several occasions due to his night before which is more like rolling in 3, 4, 5 am. He is not respectful anymore, or near the man I met. I'm secretly despising him. Recently told me his father drank a lot (mom left them when he was 4) now see it all coming together? He talks loud and as if I'm an inmate (yes, he's a cop too. Well CO now). Gets angry, like temper tantrum and puts all blame on me. No communication skills at all. He's been married and divorced twice. Age 45. Tough hell say, that I had a traditional life, that, that's never gonna happen.. I'll do what I want BUT I don't have a problem with drinking. You're not my mother etc I'm going to find al anon meetings to start for myself to understand better and hopefully realize it's not me. Although he tells me im psycho..crazy bipolar etc! I honestly think that he is an a..and he's so miserable because HE doesn't like himself. I don't have any family left and relocated to his area. No friends to grab coffee with etc. Its horrible lately. Totally isolated myself because I've had to. I live for my children and day by day. I also cover up his mess ups to shield them. I also can't go out on my own again now. Rents too high, he pays my cell, car insurance. We split rent in half which is more of what I make in a month. I've looked into a lot as for services etc. Please anyone..as I lay in bed and he's going out when he gets off work, which is midnight. Input? Am I way off the A thing? Do A get angry, sleep in constantly..etc Will I learn I'm not some crazy *itch and not feel alone in the meeting? I'll cry because I can't share this anywhere else and it's sad, lonely and hurts me. Thank you for reading this long post. Maybe I'll find a friend through here, someone to be my voice of reason as I lay here feeling sick already that he's hitting the bars at midnight tonight. Will he come in at 3...or 6am. Will there be another excuse etc.