The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
One thing about this program that has REALLY come out in my own behavior is how I like to fix, manage and control situations that are seriously NONE OF MY BUSINESS. This was one of those lessons that open AA meetings served me better than Alanon meetings .. sometimes my brain relates better to those meetings than Alanon even though I'm not coming at it from the point of an Alcoholic the logic for me is 100% one point.
After all my broken thinking is so on point all of the time .. (NOT) .. ok .. so my broken thinking gets me into all kinds of hot water and avoidance of dealing with my own crap big time.
I want to wrap my daughter in bubble wrap and release her when she's 50 .. mostly so I don't have to watch her learn some very painful lessons .. HA .. see .. I just made it about me .. how very non treated Alanon of me to do .. LOL.
Watching loved ones learn extremely painful, shameful, embarrassing lessons (these are MY responses to these situations not even theirs at this point) is horribly difficult. It is truly a gift to love someone where they are at and let them be who they are instead of trying to change them .. be it rewriting the past so "I" get a different outcome or the one "I" think is more appropriate .. be it punishment or reward .. exactly who do I think I am?
Usually I think that I am someone else's HP or I am making them mine. I was reminded of a slogan or statement I believe it was in the Getting them Sober series that states don't make someone else your tin God. Or it's something along that lines I may have paraphrased .. point being .. I don't get that mantle either.
I am NOT anyone's higher power .. I do not know what is or is not best for them .. half the time I'm struggling to figure out what my own higher power has in mind for me let alone reaching for the stars any other way .. LOL. So it is a perfect time for me to re-evaluate where I am at be it through H(H)ALT (the extra H is for hormones .. LOL), am I making a situation about me when honestly sorry to say .. when I look through a telescope my image is not at the other side of it, or am I just doing what I do which is I'm so omniscience that I just so know what is best for everyone in my life .. as I'm a total living example of my life is perfect and everyone else's sucks .. LOL .. that is such a false statement I can't even begin to know where to start.
Anyway, it's just food for thought I am really struggling with watching my girl struggle .. it's sooo hard because she's such a great kid (as her mother of course I think that .. however anyone who meets her is amazed by her) knowing what I know about her history and hellooo .. I'm her mother ... I feel like she started off with a short stick at times because of my poor decisions and my inability when she was young to be present. I want to run in and fix it all .. and it's her journey and I really do love her enough to know when I'm so totally out of line in wanting to wrap her in bubble wrap stick her in a closet and wait until she's 50 or I have passed before her release .. lol .. sigh .. not an option I know.
Thanks for letting me share .. just a ton of random thoughts at the moment, I'm sooo glad it's Friday and I can recovery from the past two weeks.
Hugs S :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Serenity, I do believe that many Alanon members can identify with your assessment. I justified all my meddling behavior as it was in the other person's best interest-- Not because I was in pain and had to fix the situation so that I would feel better.
Reminding myself of my powerlessness and my belief that we are all on this earth to learn life lesson helped me to permit the learning. It was not easy :)
