The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Just a little funny bit to share. I was talking to my 14 year old daughter, (who is thankfully, so far, showing no signs of inheriting the 'anxious to please gene'), the other week about what she sees going on in some of the friendships around her. You know, people, mostly girls, of course, turning themselves inside out, liking what everyone else likes, to fit in, to be accepted. I mentioned codependency. She said ' yeah, it's like, should I set myself on fire because you are cold?'. Oh, I could identify, but it gave me a laugh too at the lengths I have gone too, not quite that far, but....thank God for alanon.
LOL .. I appreciate kids views on life only because it's so much less filtered and they are pretty dang smart .. I think we get it backwards as teens .. I knew everything as a teen it was when I got older I realized I didn't know anything and things got a weird shade of gray. That's when I started making excuses for others. More than once my kids have said something profound and I'm left thinking ok .. where in the hell did that come from because I'm just not that epic parenting wise .. parenting fail .. TOTALLY .. LOL!! Parenting win .. well I'll take it considering. :)
__________________
Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
I can still remember being a teen, and thinking my parents were not too bright and I was going to do better and be better than them.....and then - reality arrived and I found myself grateful for all they tried to teach me. Kids see, hear, learn way, way more than we think. My AH is a very introverted, isolated person and the alcohol just magnifies that. Even when he was 'here', he was not here.
My boys see this and the one who has 2 children is very engaging with his children. I love to watch my son with his sons. He's got his issues and he's certainly doing some things I am concerned about, but I 'see' that he's learned what he wants to be/do different and is trying.
My second born's answer - I'm never having children. I do laugh at this as that was me. I never wanted to have kids as I knew what kind of child I was and I gave my parents a run for their money. It is from my children that I learned how to share in Al-Anon without talking about my qualifiers. In a counseling session once upon a time, they told the counselor that I talked to all kinds of people about them and they were offended and did not like it at all. One even clearly stated, "You tell our story when you talk and it's not yours to tell." They were right. So, I now try to step beyond what is happening and go to what I am feeling, how I am dealing and getting through the day.
Your daughter sounds so very smart! Good on her - never wishing this disease on anyone, it does bring about an education like no other... (((Hugs)))
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
