The material presented
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Hi everyone. I was searching things online and happened to end up here reading posts and then remembered I used to be a member here.It's amazing I was able to log in still.It's showing I have zero posts since joining in 2010 and I'm not sure if I had posts and they were removed or archived or if I never posted,but that's beside the point,I'm just happy to be back.
Right now I'm really struggling with not taking my husbands pain pill addiction personally.It feels personal,it feels like a betrayal for him to relapse,I keep thinking if he loved me he wouldn't be doing this,that it's the same as slapping my face.I know it's not the truth but it doesn't help the way it makes me feel.
So,yeah,here I am,seeking some sort of sanity again.
P.S.It made me really sad to see I have been a member since 2010.This many years later and I'm still riding this crazy train.
Your right your husband is not slapping your face...I think he is slapping his. We learn in Al-anon how to not take it personally, to live a sane and peaceful life even when there is so much drama around us. We can step back and let go of the craziness and hurt before we get resentful and heartbroken.
Start with number 1 of the 12 steps and learn it well. Admitting....BIG step!
We admitted we were powerless over drugs - that our lives had become unmanageable. ...
You are not alone my friend so keep coming back this time and take it one day at a time.
((( HUGS )))
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
I originally joined in 2010/2011 as well and had to get a new account due to my XAH deciding to snoop around on the computer. Funny how I just keep coming back .. the joke is I'm like a bad penny. :)
You said you are looking not to take things personally and one of my favorite sayings/slogans is QTIP (Quit Taking It Personally) .. you are absolutely right because I know how personal I took my marriage however I thought I was taking it personally in a good way and really it was me doing my own pain if that makes sense. Part of Quit taking it personally is to detach from the situation look at it and say ok .. this is just so not about me .. someone else's addiction is so not about me. I am just not that powerful and even in my marriage I can be as serious as I wanted to about my marriage first off it sucks the fun out of a relationship being that serious .. lol .. it also is uneven when the other person is not vested in making the relationship work. When I stopped taking things personally I found out I could laugh, had a sense of humor and my wit wasn't razor sharp .. it can be when necessary .. after all a duck is a duck .. calling it a goose doesn't make it a duck.
I hope you are attending face to face meetings and getting the support you need because that is beyond important to feed your soul first. Someone recently said "Output with no Input Equals Kaput" and I LOVE that!!!
Hugs S :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
I too, and sorry you are dealing with this, jadebear.
I think Q-tip is the thing I have had to work on the most and still do!
I love Serenity's answer and that is what I have been trying to do; to step back and say this is not about me, i'ts about them, and to truly realize I am not that powerful. I guess I used to think that, but I now know I am not!
I have come to look at these situations with difficult people as another opportunity for me to practice my Alanon tools. I used to want to withdraw, but I am learning to view it as another chance to practice what I have learned; sometimes I don't do it well, but a lot more times now I use my tools and can say I have had a win!
I really like Serenity's quote of "Output with no Input Equals Kaput"! That went into my journal!
The things that have helped me the most with not taking it personally is talking it out with my sponsor, meetings, and this board. It's a daily need for me to keep my head on straight.
Welcome back jadebear.....as much as this sounds 'sad', this disease is the one that just keeps on giving. I hear you and I too have been 'a bad penny' - been round and round and round with those I love and this disease. It's hard to not take things personally - I do my best when I am leaning into recovery - as best I can. Doing my daily routine, attending my meetings, talking with my sponsor, etc. - for me, it all matters and directly contributes to my daily reprieve from the insanity of this disease.
Keep coming back - we're here for you and you're not alone!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I currently understand how you feel Jadebear. My significant other/boyfriend had a relapse this weekend and I have taken it so personally resulting in negative emotions and anger. Trying to work through it at the moment but not getting very far. Good luck to you.
Welcome to MIP Emily - glad to have you here and glad that you found us. Please keep coming back!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
