The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading speaks to the perceptions we have of reality if we have been affected by alcoholism. There is mention of how the writer did not feel there was any 'alternative way of looking at life'-- this phrase got my brain going with several directions: I thought about how we all do the best we can with what we have at the time.
I think back to days that I would play an enabling role in my now exH's alcoholic behavior; that's all I knew then- I didn't know it was more damaging to me and him! This also made me think of how, growing up in a large and loud Italian family, I didn't know that some people in a group let one person at a time speak (I'm not kidding- in my world whoever was loudest won). I didn't question this because this was my reality.
Before coming to alanon I didn't really question my reality, I just knew it was not sitting right with me. However--the first few times I went to meetings I had no problem feeling elevated when I heard people talking about their loved ones in and out of rehab- my situation wasn't THAT severe, I thought. I was so relieved! I look back at that version of Mary and laugh now.
There is a sentence in the thought for the day that I appreciate. It says: 'Denial can be a shock absorber for the spirit.' I don't have to beat myself up over all the times I lived in denial-- it can serve a purpose in its way. The idea that we get stronger and remain open and truths and reality will come to us as we can handle it is an empowering one for me.
Good Morning Mary I loved the quote about DENIAL. I do believe my spirit needed that "shock absorber" so that is why I developed the destructive tool so early in my life. Naturally it did not help that each time I spoke my "Truth", the Denial in my family told me I was wrong and mistaken.
Thanks to alanon I finally found the tools to look at life honestly and with clarity. I could examine my motives, see how I was attempting to manipulate people, by people pleasing and not being "authentic". I would pretend all was well, smile and think, "I can handle this".
Learning to trust HP and developing my principles helped me to find the courage to place them above my personality as well as the personalities of others. This really freed me to move out of denial into reality.
There is a reading in the ODAT that cautions against tearing off a person's Denial before they are ready. It suggests that Denial is like the bark on the tree. It is "protection' against injury and infection.When the tree is ready it shed the old bark and grows. So too with an alanon member --Now that i have healthy tools to live by DENIAL is not necessary.
(((Mary))) Thank you so much for the quote "Denial can be a shock absorber for the spirit" So many times I can look back and think ...why didn't I see that then? Today I can be more compassionate when looking in the rear view mirror realizing I was in survival mode and HP was protecting me until I became strong enough to face reality.
Thanks Mary for the daily and your service.....thanks to all above me for your shares and ESH! I too love the quote/sentence about denial. So very true. I certainly appeared at the doors of Al-Anon believing my life stunk and would always be stinky....I did not realize I could look at things differently, recover and change my own attitude/outlook - even if/when nothing else around me changed.
What I found and not still sure why it is - when I stopped acting and reacting as I did, they also changed and things got more sane. I had never considered walking away without reacting as a healthy choice, yet I have done it and it's more powerful than any words I have. I've been accused of being childish and more when I've done this, and I've been able to say my truth - I prefer to walk away instead of saying things I might regret later.
I would love to say that all my learnings in Al-Anon pop into my brain first when I am cornered, yet it doesn't happen that way for me. It does sometimes, which gives me hope that program responses and my practiced new options come more naturally. My tools do keep me from reacting more today than ever before and I'm grateful for the progress I've found in recovery.
Have a great day all - (((Hugs)))!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
