The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
To my MIP Family who I love so deeply. Allow me to detach from you and pay attention with my Higher Power to another issue which is currently weighing so heavily on my heart and spirit. It is an ancient concern for my culture which is presently much more heavy because of the behaviors of foreign leaders which threaten my nation and the people I consider family. I don't have my wife to worry about at the moment because she is up there with family and I am here with HP.
What ever spare prayers you have offer them for Hawaii please...Mahalo Piha. ((((hugs))))
(((Hugs))) - Prayers and positive thoughts for you and all in HI....we're here in spirit and 'live' if you need us!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
No way I can do this successfully. I don't know how. The problem is me and my only solution is HP and the program. I have no power alone over how this disease works and it works without my willingness. I went t a morning meeting which was great and which I am very attached to as a co-founder over 24 years ago and without intention after the meeting ended I found myself saying something unacceptable to another member. It hit me as I was driving home with as my recovering spirit asked me "you did What? you said what?". I didn't so much dumb down as my addiction personality returned and walked in without so much as a warning and a knock on the door. I owe a newbie an amends as early as possible or leave them with the impression that this doesn't work.
I am second stepping...my Higher Power was expecting me as the signs are beginning to show and I just called my sponsor for time.
Its sickening how fast this disease works when I think I am doing the right thing.
I've been checking in and reading but the disease doesn't care. (((hug)))
I'm so sorry this is such a difficult time. OMGOSH .. if I had a nickel every time I needed to remove my foot from my mouth I would not have any financial challenges .. ever.
Please be gentle with yourself as you go through this time, I think it's so easy to think I have XYZ into the program I don't need to evolve further OR this time it's safe for me to do ABC and reality is no .. it's just not .. beating yourself up (as you have already said you know the right course of action to take) is counter productive as well as counter intuitive.
You had a moment, you have acknowledged it .. forgiveness starts with self.
Much love my friend .. :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
((Jerry))) Missed hearing and reading your wisdom . Please be gentle with yourself. Remember the reason that it is suggested that we "Keep coming back" is that we are not cured and this disease sneaks up when we least expect it. We need to keep the focus continually on our own actions snd words. The reason we have the 10th Step is so we can monitor our actions and words and make amends(as you are planning )
We will never be perfect but I think you are pretty close.:)Appreciate your honesty
Oh Brother - I am sorry that you're hurting. I know there is this part of me (Ego) that believes I should 'be better' and 'do better' because I've been around awhile....yet, I step in it on a regular basis. There are days I feel it right away and can amend it immediately and then there are days where the lesson is slower to make it to my brain/heart.
I have to talk to others and reason it out just to be reminded that my HP wants me to be happy, joyous and free. He doesn't EVER expect me to be perfect - he made me and knows my faults and buttons. I've been very stressed and struggling in my neck of the world and 'treading water' more than I want. I have been distracted enough that my sponsor had to remind me that this too shall pass.
I am sending you huge hugs and prayers for peace. I too have missed you dearly and your shares. You're already in my prayers but I'll say some extra in the hopes that you're gentle with you!! (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Hotrod I sure as hell am not healed as the event I went thru this morning was totally out of expectation and took me by total surprise and it only involved me and what ever crazy spirit taking a ride in my head. I will meet my sponsor at a morning meeting and then go sit and listen at another meeting afterward. Hp has me on a leash which I appreciate. (((hugs)))
In relation to your second post, we all make mistakes. The difference with recovery is that we take ownership rather than sweep the words or deed under the rug. Sometimes a great lesson or special bond with the other person(s) can be the reward of taking ownership of a mistake. Wishing that for you as you work through it. (((Jerry))) TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
I learned years ago from my sponsor and my counselor the power of grace giving and empathy of which there are tons of it at MIP. Mahalo to my family...have an amends planned for the victim of my disrespect. (((hugs)))
