Al-Anon Family Group

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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Struggling
Post Info TOPIC: Struggling
newly wed 2015


Newbie

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Struggling
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This is my first attempt at getting some sort of support. I am married to an alcoholic. We've been together for 7 years and married for 2 of those years. In fact we just celebrated our 2nd wedding anniversary. He was a drinker when I met him and in fact we used to really enjoying drinking together. I know when to stop and he does not! I know I'm an enabler. I don't fight with him about his drinking and really try not to nag. I've had several heart to hearts and explained that I'm worried about his health. It makes him feel bad, he promises to "tone it down" and gets better for a week or two. Then he's right back at it worse than ever. He drinks mostly beer but I have occasionally found hidden bottles of liquor in his "man town" or his truck. I ignore it and tell myself it's his body he can do what he wants. But lately I'm feeling so alone. I come home from work and he's already on his way to being drunk and then he's in bed shortly after I get home. It breaks my heart because he is such a loving, caring, sweet person. He's funny and treats me wonderfully. I don't want to be married to a drunk but I also don't want to divorce the man that I love. I just don't know what to do anymore.



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shrnp


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Welcome to MIP,
Alcoholism is progressive. Alanon is a group of people who have a loved one who drinks in common. You can learn new ways to think and different coping skills that should make your life easier. It can be very lonely having an alcoholic for a partner. You can find face to face meetings close to where you live. There is also a lot of literature. I chose to not remain in a relationship with my A ex-bf but many people stay in their relationships. I am glad you are here, Keep coming back!

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Sharon 
SerenityRUS


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Hugs NW,

Welcome .. coming here is a great first step I don't know if it's possible for you to get to a meeting in your area. It's a great place to make friends and get a network going so you are not isolated, .. addiction is isolating for all involved, fear, shame, anger are a few of the raw emotions that go with it.

Addiction is life long and while it may go into remission it never really goes away it's always kind of the wolf at the door so to speak .. there are many people who live with recovered partners and are very happy together and many people who live with active partners and are very happy.

That's one thing I love about alanon is no one is going to tell you what to do .. this is all about inner work and basically it's like exercise you get out of it what you put into it.

Keep coming back because you really aren't alone.

Hugs S :)

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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism.  If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown

"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Iamhere


~*Service Worker*~

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I too send welcomes to you NW - and agree with what's been shared above me. For an alcoholic, the disease progresses and it seems to take over. For family and friends, we are also affected often in ways we don't even know.

Al-anon can help you find the support you need to determine how you are affected and how you work to recover. I was very sad, lost, broken and more before I found Al-Anon and have 'found my peace' with those around me without them changing much. It's a process and there are no fast/easy cures for recovering persons - but there is hope and help in program.

Keep coming back - you are not alone!

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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 
Enigmatic


~*Service Worker*~

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Welcome, newly, so glad you reached out to the group.

As you have seen above, you are certainly not alone in having questions, concerns, and doubts about handling all the things that go along with living with a loved one whose drinking raises alarms. I came to AlAnon with some of the same questions after trying everything I knew how to do on my own to address the situation, to no avail.

AlAnon meetings and literature directed me to great clarity and understanding of my situation, how best to bring some relief to me and how best to address the increasingly worrisome behavior of the drinker in my life.

Meetings helped me a great deal, and when I was not able to attend those, I read a lot from AlAnon publications ( ecomm.al-anon.org/shop ) like How AlAnon Works for Families & Friends of Alcoholics, Courage to Change, One Day at a Time in AlAnon, and Paths to Recovery - Steps and Traditions. The books were extremely helpful because they were always available and I could look up a particular topic in the back index and get a more healthy perspective on something I was struggling with.

Glad to have you with us, hang in there, hope you are able to check out a meeting or read a few pages soon

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Paul

"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives."  - Paths to Recovery 
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