10 years ago I got divorced from an alcoholic. It was the best thing to happen to me even though after 13 years together, I it felt like my world was crumbling at the time. I went to a lot of counseling, did a lot of reading and received a lot of support from here. In fact, this board was one of the reasons I had the strength to not try to go back.

So, fast forward and my life has gotten progressively better with the exception of life's ups and downs - losing my grandparents, my mom, etc. My life and my new relationship is not controlled by alcohol and I am so thankful. Though I occasionally feel sadness that my ex and I couldn't figure it out, I know it was not to be and that his problems were destroying my life even when at times I didn't realize it. He didn't think coming home slurring 5-6 nights a week for years indicated any problems and most of his friends agreed with him (I found out later some of his friends changed their minds once they opened their eyes). He blamed me even for his drinking and said our problems were of course all me. It was a painful time but through time and counseling I was able to get some perspective and realize he was using a typical Alcoholic tactic.

I was going about my life when my dad called me hysterical while I was on my way to the funeral of a family friend. He was sobbing and crying and telling me that my brother was in jail...again. This would be his third time. It seems to happen about once a decade starting in his 30s. My brother has addiction problems but he justifies it by saying now he is only doing marijuana for many years. I am actually for legalization but in my brother's case it has done him no good besides just the arrests. I know he used to do a lot of other drugs but he swears just marijuana now and he spends his life justifying and "proving" how good it is for you. I can tell you that when he smokes, he is not right in the head. His thinking is off and I am not sure what other psychological issues he may have. He is definitely immature since the drugs stunted his emotional maturity. Plus, we did have some family problems growing up including a very sick mom - almost 30 years of a debilitating illness. It was very hard growing up but he has never dealt with the pain or issues - just smoke a bowl and feel better.

My dad has been enabling him for years! My father is resistant to counseling and therefore hasn't done enough to encourage my brother to seek help. He attempted to bring my brother to a therapist but that was over 15 years ago. Since then my brother has been living in my dad's basement like a hermit. He goes to work and basically that's it. My dad is also in denial. He is the classic rescuer over and over. He's not eating or sleeping well. It's a mess. I have done so well separating myself from their codependent behavior but I got sucked back in because my dad is in such a crisis and he is older now so I worry about his health. I feel that I have to listen to him. I mean, he was calling me almost every day crying after the latest arrest. Plus, the current arrest is not for marijuana but a sex sting. My brother walked right into it. He had a pipe in his car. After reading through the evidence I figure he was probably high- poor judgment.

My dad is basically insisting I come for sentencing. He bought me a ticket. I really don't want to go and subject myself to this drama. If he goes to jail for a long time my dad will collapse. My brother would never come for me if I got in trouble. For instance he left all of the burden and problems on my shoulder in regards to my mother's care and emotional support. I keep reminding myself that I am going for my dad. All of that to say, what can I do to protect myself? How involved do I get? Is there anything I can do to help? I am heartbroken over my brother too. Plus I keep telling my dad that he is leaving me with my brother's problems when he is gone someday. I warned him to handle this now but he is still resistant though he says things like, "I know." I am completely lost as to what to say and do. I worked hard to get to an emotionally healthy place so I feel it's unfair to get dragged into a problem I didn't create and can't solve. What do I do?