The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It's been awhile since I've posted, but I still try to check in here now and then.
Today is my twin daughters' 30th birthday. One of my twins is my qualifier. We have been in very little contact since my AH's passing four years ago. She continues to play the victim and still blames my AH's death on my leaving him a year before he died of his alcoholism. I decided to take my engagement ring to a jeweler and had matching earrings made for each of my daughters using the diamonds. I texted my AD last week and asked if I could take her out to lunch (hoping then to give her the earrings I had made for her). She texted back, "I'm working." I replied back that I was really hoping to see her so that I could wish her a happy birthday in person. I haven't heard anything back from her since my last text.
Her older sister let me know a couple of days ago that my AD's apartment had been broken into over the weekend and that all of the valuables that her dad and her grandmother that she took possession of after they had both died, as well as her wallet, had been stolen. Now she is in a meltdown, which usually proceeds her binge drinking. She was already in a funk about being the only sister who is unmarried and has not started a family at the age she will be. I feel so bad for her, but I am trying to wait to see if she reaches out to any of her family here in the area (her older sister lives in another state). It breaks my heart to not be in contact with her. She has her walls up, as she has done for the past four years. She shouldn't be going through this, especially when it's around her birthday. But this is the road she has chosen to take, I know. I'm just trying to give it up to my HP right now and hope that she doesn't do something to hurt herself.
What a beautiful gift to have made for you. In a funny way, her aloofness has preserved the gift,given the recent robbery. It seems right that a beautiful heirloom of her father ought be given by her mother, a living loving link, not merely taken possession of the way the stolen things were. Give the gift? Let go of the result?
I'm sure you will know the right time.
It does sound like a beautiful gift.
I'm trying hard at the moment to learn (and make it stick) that other people's actions aren't about me. And whatever people are going through, it's their own lesson that they need to learn. For whatever reason, she needs to go through this and she seemingly doesn't want help. And she might well come out the other side one day better for it
Hugs.
(((Green Eyes))) - sending you tons of thoughts and prayers.....both of my sons right now are active and in quasi-crisis mode and it just makes me sad. I admit that a part of me (denial) still hopes for normal one day and then I'm reminded to try and focus on the here and now. I can relate to all that you feel and just want you to know you are not alone!
I love your gift idea. My momma did something similar with jewelry from my grandma's and gifted to me and my sister-in-laws. While it's not something I wear often as it's 'larger than I prefer', I do cherish it because of the content and the intent. She may not appreciate it now, but it will become special to her also in time.
(((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
((Green Eyes)) I'm sending positive energy your way. I can relate because today I'm heart broken also with worry for my children. I too am trying to hand it over to my HP, so you're not alone. A little window shopping and the serenity prayer has really helped me today. Also support from my Al-Anon family. What a beautiful gift for your daughters. Thank you for sharing, it's helped me a lot.
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- Carrie
Stress is caused by being 'here' but wanting to be 'there'. Eckhart Tolle
I pray your daughter will reach out and let you back in. I know all to well what hate they can have and not really thinking about anything else. Maybe her sister can keep her in the now and lead down a better path. Depression and anxiety are real illnesses and make many do things they don't want to but can't fix it without help.
Take care of you and tonight I will light candles for you and everyone here that are in pain.
(( hugs ))
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
