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2 adults live in my home. they drink most nights, i have never seen them drunk. but.......their drinking bothers me. i do not drink one of their children is getting into trouble with substance. when they moved in i said i liked my home a safe non alcoholic home and asked them to consider that. they didn't and i did not follow thru. since moving in their child keeps getting into trouble. i want to address it again with them. it is not a situation, i think, that i can just put my foot down. please help me with how and if at all i should say anything. i'd like to say something like this, "please consider our home alcohol free. in my opinion we are giving conflicting role modeling to the children and their friends who come to our house. " I've been praying a lot about this for quite some time. i have done nothing until now except pray.
Runi I'm not sure what to suggest. I will share with you that my sponsor took in a single mom with three boys right before she was diagnosed with terminal cancer. The cancer was awful enough however the drama with the mom and two kids was horrid. I mean beyond horrid. One of the younger boys stole her van and wrecked it and tried to pretend nothing happened the dysfunction with the mom was so bad (and as a side note she was working on a masters in psychology) she was in denial. That's one of a thousand stories she shared .. it was not a healthy environment at all. I felt awful for my sponsor and eventually they were asked to leave. The mom and kids were given 3 months and they were out in 6 weeks. It was sad and laughable at the same time my beautiful teacher was dying she lived another 2 months .. at least she had peace and quiet. Laughable only because this mom was so outraged over the fact she was asked to leave.
She battled the issue of she needed their rent to help her cover her bills and something I asked her was do you need the money or the peace more because based upon the situation I would want peace in my home. The money will have to take care of itself. I knew she would never be homeless to many people loved and valued her.
I think you know when you know in terms of when you have had enough. Only you know when you can say it's enough and this isn't working for me.
Hugs S :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
My best suggestion is to get familiar with landlord/tenant laws for your state/county/country. I have a rental house, and the laws in my state are very clear on how to manage issues. Even if you are only renting a room in my state, they have rights. There's tons of 'if/then' scenarios - lease, no lease, month to month, etc.
If you desire an alcohol-free home, that's your truth. If they desire to indulge in alcoholic beverages, that's their truth/choice. Only you can set adequate boundaries for your residence. I have a substance-free home and have evicted both of my children because of it. You do have the right to live in your home as you wish/need to. Just make sure you follow the laws/rules for your area!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Sounds hard. I can't comment really because it's not specific. I once took in a woman with three kids when i had two of my own. It was not a good idea really. She had no structure and was in my view neglectful. the kids would be up till 10 pm eating cereal. She wasn't neglectful in hindsight, just different. They were always fed, she was clean, and loved them her way. I was probably cold and clinical to her world view. Anyway, it had to end. It did. No regrets. Living space has to be mutually respectful to all. It doesn't sound like it is to you, given that you've already stated how you view your home. And they've stated with actions how they view it. Its a stand off of force. I don't think you can expect behavioural change. You are not comfortable with drinking. They are not comfortable with being made to feel like they can not. I don't see how this arrangement can possibly continue, because it's not working and that is what I'd be saying with a support person if needed. Good luck and take care!
