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hi everyone. this is the 3rd apartment I've lived in over 7 years that has mold in the bathroom.
the first apartment's bathroom smelled horrendous after the prior tenant left and took her nice-scented things out if it. I got very, very sick.
i developed sensitivities to chemicals after that because my toxic overload was beyond its threshold.
then I moved to a more expensive apt and was fine.
but now I just had to move to a cheaper one again and the bathroom here has mold and I got extremely sick again.
i know the toxins from the mold affects me but I'm wondering if there is something in my Alanon-related disease that could be a contributing factor. Any Ideas? Be as open as you want, I know myself already.
Hi WTI .. have you contacted the landlord so they can come and take care of the mold? I realize that's a pain however you shouldn't have to live in subpar standards.
As far as Alanon stuff .. what patterns do you see repeating??
When I am looking for solutions to outside issues I can't control I am usually looking at my part, my motives, what can I change and what can't I change kind of thing.
When you were looking for apartments did you see any issues in the bathroom area?? Maybe having a higher expectation for what you are looking for?
Hugs best of luck to you ..
__________________
Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
I really wanted this apartment because it looked very good. i saw it twice and was careful. The bathroom looked new, and some of it is. But other parts had been painted over so...i had tests done that show a dangerous breathing issue from a certain species of mold, and I know what I smell. Eyes puffy etc.
i have asked LL to test and they are alcoholic so ive put up with incredible amounts of lying, blame-shifting, bullying, threats. my relationships with neighbors and even CA,kit members were sabotaged. (They convinced the realtor to call my family to try to control etc....this is a section 8 apt but it's finally my own, so I told everyone not to repeat that - I even called the police when they went right ahead again anyway, to set a boundary). I've never done that before! :)
back to the apt...mold tests come back tomorrow and I'll have to know my health is worth protecting and push for a remediation. I'm pretty sick.
My my whole story is about not speaking up so this is progress. I think that is mostly my part. More below.
Meantime, I am going to ALanon Mtgs and trying to relax a little and soak in the love and positivity.
I was thinking that i might be allergic to dysfunction too......<<<<<<<<
-- Edited by WorkingThroughIt on Friday 31st of March 2017 05:21:17 PM
-- Edited by WorkingThroughIt on Friday 31st of March 2017 05:21:53 PM
It sounds as if the mold is a more likely source of inflammation than stress or similar issues.
My guess is that the Al-Anon part of this is being in a situation where an alcoholic has a big influence over your well-being. Granted that alcoholics are all over the place, sometimes our alarm bells don't go off loudly enough for us to run far, far away when an alcoholic is in a position to make our lives miserable. I hope you can find some way back into a healthier living environment. It sounds miserable!
Thanks Mattie. I hadn't that thought the other day, so thank you for encouraging me to see the truth. I knew the minute I met the landlord that the whole scene didn't look healthy. I guess I felt I needed to settle given my income, but I don't. I pay all my bills so my credit is very good, anyway. I was homeless before this so I probably just felt I needed to take this place because I had looked for a while and they accepted me.
One thing they've tried to do to push me out is bully, harass, threaten, etc, so maybe they're helping me move on to a better situation. All of my landlord's have been crazy and controlling because as you say there are alcoholics or I'll call them "sick people" everywhere, but there have been better situations.
In better situations I couldn't speak up and set proper boundaries before because my parents were paying my rent, so I had little say. But now I have my own voucher and can envision myself in a better place with a better landlord (if I WATCH for the signs).
I don't need to rush. I can meditate on how to get enough time to look and move-in costs for a different place. Given all they have done and that I have had to call the police once (*sigh*), maybe they will be cooperative since I could report them. I either could let it all go or still report than after I leave. lol (?)
Or, I could stay and use my tools and grow, and pay a few hundred dollars to get a re-testing, then insist they remediate, or take them to housing court if necessary.
Some of my personal boundaries regarding taking things into my life are that if honestly they are dangerous...I throw my self up to my HP and go where HP directs me. This sound like one of those situations where I would do that. I only have one life and that is slowly coming to an end so being safe is critical ...To thine own self be true. ((((hugs))))
Ugh mould. My kids all developed allergies living in a mouldy house. It is bad bad stuff. I think its good awareness when you said your credit rating was good but you felt a rush to be settled. That's something I'd pay attention to, in order to find the role you play in repeating patterns. I have a friend who developed adult asthma after living in a mouldy house and the kids and i are noticeably healthier physically since we left the mould as well. I hope you can find a better living space
Ugh mould. My kids all developed allergies living in a mouldy house. It is bad bad stuff. I think its good awareness when you said your credit rating was good but you felt a rush to be settled. That's something I'd pay attention to, in order to find the role you play in repeating patterns. I have a friend who developed adult asthma after living in a mouldy house and the kids and i are noticeably healthier physically since we left the mould as well. I hope you can find a better living space
Thank you And I'm glad you got outta that house.
i felt rushed to find a place because I had my abusive parents on my back, and they were letting me stay in their summer house while I looked. Part of their abuse is rushing.
but they no longer have that control. I'm the queen of my own castle, or at least the princess, lol, so I have some control over this situation.
So yes, I have been forced into rushing thus far, but that can change,
my bis pattern has always been running due to bullying. I woke up realizing this landlord has said she doesn't care if I'm homeless, she wants me out, so that she doesn't have to address the issue. I don't see that as reasonable. What would she do? Move soneobe else in there and let them get sick?
i feel I should stay and have the issue fixed. That's what landlords are supposed to do. I'll be sure I have very good boundaries wth her. Only issue is she'll give me a bad reference when I leave at the end of the year. hmmm.
You've inspired me to get ruthless about it too. My landlord said he would fix it last year and he still hasn't. I climbed up and scrubbed the roof myself and made myself sicker instead and now it's all growing back again and I am tired, daughter is tired, we are both all sneezy and wheezy.....first thing Monday i am going to start jumping up and down about it until it is fixed.
So thanks
Undoubtedly it's true that she "should" fix the mold, just as alcoholics "should" stop drinking. For good or for bad, we're not put in the position to be enforcers in this world. There does seem to be something about us Al-Anoners that when someone isn't living up to their responsibilities, instead of leaving them to their dysfunction and moving on, we get hooked into the drama and try to force them to behave responsibly. The good thing in your situation is that you have a roof over your head right now and therefore you have some time to look around for a place without mold run by a non-alcoholic. Those places may not be thick on the ground but they are there. I suspect your current landlord is not going to be responsible unless she goes into recovery and spends a long time getting her life together, and remember that the chances of that happening over her lifetime are not more than 25%. Even if you had the lawyer and the legal means to force her to remediate the mold, the next dysfunction would come up. But in the time it took to litigate that, you could find a healthy place run by a sane person. I know how tempting the drama can be, but the good news is that there will always be more drama available, we don't have to find it in mold! Take good care of yourself.
Hey WorkingThroughIt - so very sorry that your home is unlivable - because that's what I see...When I am challenged by a situation or an issue, I try to ask myself what would a reasonable person do...? I have no doubt that a reasonable person would expect their living place to be safe and mold-free. I'm not sure where you live, but I know (I have rental property) there are laws that protect the landlord as well as the tenant. In my state, not correcting mold would be a huge issue as mold is considered a toxic substance...
The best part about recovery for me is I've learned that I have choices. You most certainly can 'stand your ground' and demand the situation be corrected - I would suggest you research the laws of your land - my tenants can withhold rent if I am not correcting violations in a timely manner. You can also move to a different/other place.
None of us should ever have to live in unsafe conditions - no matter what they are, who is responsible and/or who should fix. I have to remind myself that just because I understand more about this disease than I used to, that doesn't suggest I excuse illegal/immoral behavior in others. It would bother my conscience to move on without properly reporting as different types of mold can be more toxic than others and it would bother me to 'pass the buck' to another unsuspecting person.
I'll send you prayers and positive thoughts!!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
You've inspired me to get ruthless about it too. My landlord said he would fix it last year and he still hasn't. I climbed up and scrubbed the roof myself and made myself sicker instead and now it's all growing back again and I am tired, daughter is tired, we are both all sneezy and wheezy.....first thing Monday i am going to start jumping up and down about it until it is fixed. So thanks
Oh good. I'm real,y glad I posted then. Please take good care of yourself. That's what I'm doing,
Undoubtedly it's true that she "should" fix the mold, just as alcoholics "should" stop drinking. For good or for bad, we're not put in the position to be enforcers in this world. There does seem to be something about us Al-Anoners that when someone isn't living up to their responsibilities, instead of leaving them to their dysfunction and moving on, we get hooked into the drama and try to force them to behave responsibly. The good thing in your situation is that you have a roof over your head right now and therefore you have some time to look around for a place without mold run by a non-alcoholic. Those places may not be thick on the ground but they are there. I suspect your current landlord is not going to be responsible unless she goes into recovery and spends a long time getting her life together, and remember that the chances of that happening over her lifetime are not more than 25%. Even if you had the lawyer and the legal means to force her to remediate the mold, the next dysfunction would come up. But in the time it took to litigate that, you could find a healthy place run by a sane person. I know how tempting the drama can be, but the good news is that there will always be more drama available, we don't have to find it in mold! Take good care of yourself.
Thanks for the further insight, Mattie.
youre right. We do try to get people to behave responsibly. Maybe I should move on. I could agree to leave if I got a good reference and didnt have to pay my rent in the meantime or something. Don't know if I'm allowed to do that with section 8. and I'd need however long it takes me to find a GOOD place. Could be quick, could be slow, but hopefully quick.
heres the other thing though. There are laws that protect us and our health. I'm not trying to make her change; I, trying to get my needs met without abuse. I don't need a lawyer. I get a test and if she won't do it I take her to housing court and the judge makes her. That's taking care of ourselves. scary, I know. It what we're used to some of us, I know.
Its true that she might pull sone other stuff later, being pissed off because of her own behavior.
Oh, believe me. Drama is NOT what I seek. That might be some projecting there.....please do not confuse me with others you might know. Thank you.
Hey WorkingThroughIt - so very sorry that your home is unlivable - because that's what I see...When I am challenged by a situation or an issue, I try to ask myself what would a reasonable person do...? I have no doubt that a reasonable person would expect their living place to be safe and mold-free. I'm not sure where you live, but I know (I have rental property) there are laws that protect the landlord as well as the tenant. In my state, not correcting mold would be a huge issue as mold is considered a toxic substance...
The best part about recovery for me is I've learned that I have choices. You most certainly can 'stand your ground' and demand the situation be corrected - I would suggest you research the laws of your land - my tenants can withhold rent if I am not correcting violations in a timely manner. You can also move to a different/other place.
None of us should ever have to live in unsafe conditions - no matter what they are, who is responsible and/or who should fix. I have to remind myself that just because I understand more about this disease than I used to, that doesn't suggest I excuse illegal/immoral behavior in others. It would bother my conscience to move on without properly reporting as different types of mold can be more toxic than others and it would bother me to 'pass the buck' to another unsuspecting person.
I'll send you prayers and positive thoughts!!
exactly! Thank you! bullies have pushed me around for enough years in my life...that's exactly why I'm homeless too. it would take enormous courage for me to go for this but I wonder what the elation and peace might be like if I walk through it. I am afraid because I feel "guilty" for some reason. I'm not. That's the old tales (and the bully's tapes) playing in my head.
Its also scary to spend the money on testing and have it come back not high enough (there are many false negatives but never false positives with this) because I was told if that happened I'd be evicted. (More fear being used against me). I am also afraid of the housing authority but given what I've put up with from them too, which I have wanted and need to confront at some point anyway, it seems the truth is that OTHERS wouldn't want to open up any cans of worms, and mywalking thru this might be best for me. Maybe GI'd had this happen again to help me But i have to take the risk of being homeless (false fear? I'm okay) and ask for the daily courage and clarity to keep gong and not mess up (explode, swear, lol - or hide and give up). Imagine walking through it with peace and faith? WOW,!!
my father has good sides to him and he has a rental property too. if he ever thought his tenant was the least bit uncomfortable, he'd be on that right away. not meaning to judge; I just know what is right and what isn't right If it affects me. I can't wimp out on this one.
ive checked the laws and spoken to the state health board so I must want to do this.
