The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It's one of those days where I would love to go out in the hot tub and have a glass of wine, but I don't want to drink in front of my RA husband. Normally I do pretty good, but tonight I find myself resenting things. Please don't get me wrong, as I have dreamed of him being sober for years. Just finding it hard tonight.
Hi RL When I have a bad day, I get to a meeting, call my sponsor, write out a gratitude and asset listing and pray I remind myself to live in the moment and in the day and remember this too will pass.
Hugs RL .. I don't have any esh that won't sound cliche .. I was thinking about what I would do for myself in that situation .. The only thing I really came up with was the slogan how important is it .. There are other opportunities for a glass of wine and only today for sobriety. In no way am I discounting or minimizing your obvious frustration .. My boyfriend is not an A .. However he has a needy ex .. When I feel resentful I do acknowledge those feelings and ask myself is it a deal breaker and today .. It's not. So I take the opportunity to focus on the positive things I enjoy about him. Then I do something for me .. It might be creative .. It's something that makes me feel connected to my higher power. It just helps me shift the focus from what I find irritating to what is more pleasing. Hugs s ;)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
I find something to do that helps me feel valued or loved - and this can be different depending upon where I am in my 'life' in that moment....I'm with Betty - gratitude and asset lists really help me out as does a walk with my dog, listening to music, cleaning a closet, painting my nails, etc. Self-care often helps me 'see' that I am loved by a power greater than any human form and I am here for a reason.
(((Hugs))) - hard days do pass - it's hard to feel that in the moment, but they do pass. Sending you positive thoughts and prayers!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
If it's been one of those days and you are choosing not to drink around him, maybe some very relaxing music in place of the wine and reading one of Alanon's little daily readers might help you unwind while in the hot tub? One of the topics in the back of our Courage to Change reader is Tension Relievers. Hope you can unwind and enjoy your hot tub. LOL wish I had one! (((hugs))) TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
Dude, I would totally hit the hot tub with some Coke Zero and a slice of cheesecake. Who says you can eat cake in the tub? Have you ever tried? Don't be discouraged just because you dropped some crumbs in the water last time. Remember - it's important not to be a quitter LOL
Craving a glass of wine maybe can help us empathize with the A's craving for a glass of wine - if we feel sad because it's not the right choice to have it, think how sad they must feel about not having it. What would you advise your A to do if he was feeling the craving? I hope you can do what's right for you. You're right that all of it is not fair - none of us asked to have a potentially destructive force in our lives.
alanon has a good easy read booklet called "dilema of the alcholic marriage" has some good insights in it for what sounds like your situation. the alchie gets sober and resentments and other things that can arise now. hang in there.
