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I'm feeling hurt, my heart actually hurts. My co-dependent mother told me she doesn't want to see my 2 young children (ages 7 months and 2 years old) or me anymore because we caused her illness. Huh? Who says that? She has Parkinson's and suffers from the effects of alcoholism. I thought to myself, she's nuts, but I paused and said "I love you unconditionally and so do your grand-babies" and she hung up the phone on me. I know in my head it's the the effects of this cunning disease talking but it doesn't make my heart ache any less. So for today I'm going to allow myself to feel the pain, know I'm powerless and hand it over to my HP. I'm going to take extra good care of me too, a cup of tea, fuzzy slippers and a good book is what I need because keeping my serenity is what is most valuable to me.
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- Carrie
Stress is caused by being 'here' but wanting to be 'there'. Eckhart Tolle
Huge hugs. I bet those babies are gorgeous. my kids too have no active grandparents because of the family disease. But they have an awesome mother, something we,you and I,are capable of giving them. Wishing you and yours lots of comfort from me and mine.
Big big hugs bunny. I'm so sorry you are experiencing this .. My mother is not an alcoholic nor is my dad .. I was adopted and both have said very hurtful things. Consistently .. Oi. My mother has called me a cold b*tch in front of friends when I was a kid. My dad told me the only reason he agreed to adoption was because It's what My Mom wanted and she wouldn't Let it go. Needless to say he has his own biological kids. I was in My early 20s with that little gem. It has taken me a long time to figure out it's not me it's them. It's awful to feel rejected by a parent. It really opened my eyes to how I parent my kids .. I'm far from perfect .. Knowing how words hurt it has helped me be a better parent and I just try to do better. The best gift I have given myself is learning to be the parent I deserved to myself and my kids. I do screw up sometimes daily .. My kids are thriving in spite of my shortcomings. I bet you are a great mom because of your experiences. Hugs s ;)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
((((Bunny)))) Great response under the conditions and great recovery plans. That is how we learn how to handle it. Compassion and empathy for the alcoholic during this kind of reaction is more than respectful and honorable...It's HP influence...thanks for the lead. ((((hugs))))
The disease can be a hard pill for me to swallow sometimes. I took time to stay present/in the moment and really feel my feelings, and that's okay, they're just feelings. Before the program, I could carry hurt feelings around with me for years and I could play the victim/martyr/resentment card all day long. But today, I'm no longer hurt, I'm able to deal with my feelings and know my mother's denial is all hers, and not to take it personal because I didn't cause it, I can't control it and I can't cure it. Today I'm feeling grateful for the tools Al-Anon gives me to take the sting of the insults away and am grateful to feel my HP's loving energy. Because of the support I receive from my Al-Anon family, I know I can love and I am lovable. It's maple weekend so today my lovely AH and I are taking our babies boys, whom are only guilty of causing me happiness, on a hayride at a maple syrup farm in upstate NY. I will be bringing home with me some maple syrup candy, mmmmmm. Okay the candy part is my will, not HP's, but a girl can dream.
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- Carrie
Stress is caused by being 'here' but wanting to be 'there'. Eckhart Tolle
Hi Carrie Glad that you have used our alanon tools to move out of the incident and plan an exciting day with your little family.
Sounds like fun , hope that you all enjoy the day.
(((Carrie))) - so glad you were able to get through the affect of the disease and yesterday!!! Your plans for today sound awesome - hope you all had a ton of fun (and a ton of candy)!!! One Moment at a Time, One Day at a Time - much easier way to live/learn/love.
Thanks for this topic - I'm in the rejection mode from my child and your share helped me remember how much I love him, in spite of his disease.
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
