The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
About two hours ago, I had the most ridiculous , circular, and unproductive discussion with my A. There is no logic, reasoning, understanding, or progress. It's almost as though I am speaking to someone who doesn't know English. The good news is that I stayed calm, didn't fight, didn't walk away, and for those things I will say I'm proud of myself. On the other hand, why bother? I try not to engage with her very much, because this is how it goes: no where! Tonight, when she accused me of having poor judgement and making mistakes, I did point out her poor judgement and her mistakes. Nothing sinks in. I imagine when I get healthier, I will be able to avoid these talks altogether. Then I question why do I stay in this marriage, and go over all the reasons that keep me with an A. I guess I am still sick, although I am much better than prior to program. Maybe I should just keep on keeping on, put one foot in front of the other, and see where I end up. That's what I'll do. Just had to vent, Lyne
(((Lyne))) - huge hugs to you....I have to admit that I got a chuckle out of you writing only because I've been there and know exactly how it is and your description was so spot on. I have had the misfortune this week of two conversations with two qualifiers that have been just like this and It's exhausting. Even when I practice our tools and detach, it's still tiring as all get out and makes me wonder too why it is as it is...
You done good - I just wanted you to know that I get it and can so relate to the thinking that happens after one of these!! Thanks for sharing - nice to not be alone!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
((Lyne)) Progress not perfection is what we seek and you have just discovered one of the reasons why Al-Anon suggests we do not engage. I have found when I'm accused of not doing something, if I validate myself by pointing out my assets it works better for me. I always give myself permission to make mistakes as I doothers and in the incident you encountered I might have simply agreed that at times I may appear to have poor judgment in other peoples eyes however I do think issues through, do not react and believe that my decisions are valid Sending positive thoughts and prayers in your direction
Lynn it was eye opening to me to hear I could get better whether someone else drank or not. I came to learn not to gauge my mental health by me loving him or leaving him or --- anything other than my serenity and awareness of me.
I had hidden or gotten lost on the merrygoround.
I know what you're saying, because I'm there too. I'm much happier much much, and I'm me again. I'm grateful.
I too remember those conversations well, I too also have a hard time not engaging in them. Venting is a great thing, it helps us put bad actions and thoughts on a shelf and walk away with less on our mind.
Keep working and keep trying, as was mentioned above, Progress, not Perfection.
Thanks for venting, I mean sharing.
