The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I don't always agree with society on this one.
So, the kids and i remain safe and are doing our best to stay positive though the wordless anger hits me at times as we go through the system. It hits me and at the same time i mentally hit myself for being ungrateful. Lol.
So my thoughts initially were, probably incredibly healthy. They were along the lines of, ok, he's sick, your gone, lean on god and have faith. Followed the plan. Felt not good exactly, but right, on the right track though raw as hell.
Then of course i spoke to him. And it just is like crazy town dressed up as Perfectly Acceptable.
But the question is, if one opposes perfectly acceptable as being infact Craaaaaaaazy, is one made redundant by the fact the observation is and can only be made from Within crazytown?
Can't put a healthy thought in a sick mind and expect it to come out healthy. But damn do i near pollute my own mind trying!
Anyway back to the subject line. I'd decided to let go let god and make our own way. i wasn't going to chase something that didn't give of its own free will. I was good with that.
Then we spoke.
And it's like everything is peachy just the way it is. And he's got all these plans that don't in any way involve any responsibility towards the little homeless family he created to a far larger extent than i did. To borow the phrasing of another member, i want to sit him in the corner and beat him with the accountability button.
Yet once upon a time, i had another little family and i would have sold every earthly possession just for their father to fall off the face of the earth and leave us to live life.
Neither scenario is possible.
Of course on my trip/slip to crazy town, i said '#:$ your grand dreams mate, any normal person faced with this would meet a person half way and offer something, anything, but not you. So scr#$ you.im applying.
Net result, i feel sucked back into his world view, out of my spiritual comfort zone, and ripped ofF by he and me.
Im better off having no contact. But lifes a bit hard right now. Not sure whether to follow through or not.
Hard to let go.
((41)) visiting "crazytown" has the same effect on myself. Keep coming back, share, trust HP and know you are not alone
Positive thoughts and prayers on the way
Thankyou (((Betty))). Not alone. It's seriously not good for me to deal with my ex right now. It takes me back in my thinking and i like recovering me, i really like her! I think i may have to put him in the self sabotage category for today. Just for today. One day, i may have the serenity to deal with him but As yet i don't. That's ok. No further practice required there.
Oh my.....I can relate to visits to crazy town and those are not fun at all...My absolute best course of action when faced with darned if I do and darned if I don't is to literally 'act as if' this is a work situation and I am paid to do the best possible thing for those who are in the greatest need....
I literally have to 'act as if' this is not me and them and there is no anger, baggage, resentments, disease, etc. More often than not, I can take action available to me that is reasonable, legal and logical. My emotions still can get the better of me during packing for the crazy town trips so a written plan - one day at a time - helps me stay focused...
I have also been reminded at times like this that staying present and not projecting helps me stay in this moment on this day! (((Hugs))) girl - sending you tons of positive thoughts and prayers!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I think looking back there are things that I wish I had just waited on .. I mean do the footwork and let HP take care of the rest .. while I realize that you don't want contact you should not have to have contact with him. If he's working he should provide for the kids. It's not an unreasonable request or requirement. It always irritates me that people act as if I am the Mother Mary and I immaculately conceived my children to which I joke apparently I have the second coming as well as the anti-Christ .. umm noooo. LOL! I know I am the odd duck in this regard that I expect my XAH to be responsible for his part and I DO hold him accountable through the courts .. my X has been very sorry every single time we wind up in court .. it's absolutely ridiculous what he has tried to pull with me and found out the hard way that's not happening his way. It is emotionally expensive .. at this point for me it's worth the cost.
What I encourage you to do is find out what services you qualify for I don't know what is available in other countries however here I would tell people go to the food bank, go get signed up for welfare, find out about housing, blah blah blah .. sometimes these services will deal with the support issue without you having to, because of the order of protection my feeling is that the kids are not going to be required to see their dad and I don't see him wanting to deal with it.
Ask a million questions, talk to churches and so on .. I just really encourage you to put yourself out there it's not easy and it's horribly frustrating on a bad day. Frustrating on a good day however one thing I can tell you is you won't starve and you will have a roof .. just keep doing the next right thing.
We have something called legal aide out here and once there is a DV situation you can get your divorce done for free .. I don't know if that's where you are at however I just encourage you to be informed .. knowledge is power and the more knowledgeable you are the better off you are in that regard and trust me the state people will respond in a positive way to the fact that you know what is going on. There is a lot of room for learning curve too .. if you aren't sure ASK!!
Hugs S :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
having gone through a divorce from an alcoholic, i made the decision to ask for what i thought i would need for the future. i did not "fight" for anything, i simply asked and trusted the outcome to God.
some things went my way, some did not.. i learned that this is typical of divorce, nobody gets out a "winner."
i was using my mantra at the time....just to the extent that i do as i beleive my higher power would have me do.... and then humbly rely on Him.... that is what i did.
i had to let go of the illusion that it was my husband who had met my needs during the marriage. it was higher power all along. and He would continue to care for me after the marriage.
and you too.... whatever you decide ((hugs))
-- Edited by 2HP on Wednesday 15th of March 2017 08:48:46 PM
