The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I used to think it meant I had to get to a place where I judged the person worthy of wiping the slate clean. Now this would take a whole lot of apologies and a bit of grovelling if possible. Sworn signed statements that they would never ever do the offence to me again and they would only be worthy of my forgiveness if they also behaved for a while until I finished sulking. Then maybe I would decide to forgive. This was my version and conditions so I never ever forgave. Ever. I just jotted down the offence with all the others in my mind and they were used as weapons to get revenge at a later date or used to back up other accusations along the way.
Them I learned what it means. True freedom from my giant big list of how people had offended me. Grudges I carried about like a big ugly spot festering all over my face. Freedom from self righteousness and it's ugliness and just being able to be an equal flawed human living among flawed humans. Thano you alanon.
Love this share LC .Thank you. I found when I saw how my anger at these people was hurting me ,I was willing to let go of my righteous anger. When I did this,although I still remembered the incident, I no longer judged or condemned the person.
Great share and topic El-Cee.....I hear you - my definition and 'expectations' around forgiveness were warped when I came to recovery.
I'm grateful that others showed me a better definition and gave me better ways to heal than to lay expectations at others for my feelings/worth.
I too love how this program works!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Something i heard in aa, which i could apply to myself and in turn others, " i wasn't A bad person, i was a sick one", ties in with forgive us our trespasses as we forgive others. Clicked for me and really weakened the glue of resentment.
