The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
You are reading from the book Today's Gift </OA_HTML/ibeCCtpItmDspRte.jsp?item=2121>.
It feels so good to cry. . . . --Susan Cygnet
Some of us were taught that it's bad to express our feelings directly--crying, wailing, jumping up and down for joy--that it's good manners to talk softly, slowly, and politely and to sit still. But what happens to our feelings when we sit still? If they don't get expressed, they must be caught inside our bodies. Trapped feelings are like birds in a cage, or a rabbit in a trap--they try to get out any way they can. They peck on our heads and give us headaches. They scratch at our stomachs and make us hurt. We must let them out. We must laugh and cry. Then our bodies will be happy, and our feelings will curl up in our laps like happy puppies.Am I ignoring the physical symptoms of trapped feelings?
>>>>>>>>i used to think that if i ever DID cry over "it" i would "lose it" and begin screaming and not be able to stop....well after a few months into recovery, the tears, ability to cry began....my first session with "lady tears" lasted several hours.....my second???? FOURTEEN hours of deep sobbing, grieving, wailing, keening from my pain......when i was through i could barely walk to the bathroom i was so "rung out" like i had experienced an "inner flushing" and my body was dry!!!! i had cried myself into exhaustion,
and i had to show up that night for a tennis match against an arrogant woman who cannot play as well as i can and KNOWS it, and here i am...exhausted---toast----ROAD kill!!!! and my partner??? 102 degree fever from the flue.....they beat us 6-4 6-4....the only thing that kept us in the game at all was my horrendous service return...i blasted these big service return winners time after time back in their side of the court and all they could do was watch the ball fly by them........ but i could barely stand and my poor partner was practically falling down from being so sick..........i was never so spent / exhausted in my life....i lost, but was proud of myself for "showing up for duty" even tho i KNEW i had NOTHING in the tank......i was exhausted, but kinda felt a sense of "cleansing" however i knew there was MORE to come.....it scared me , yet i embraced it cuz i knew it was a purging i desperately needed....
.i read about people going in for "colon flushing" to cleanse their bodies, and how good they felt after they ridded themselves of the old "grunge" of years and decades of bad eating, and how "rejuvenated" they felt......well i needed a "soul flushing".....noone had to run a cold tube up the "poop shoot" of my soul, but it was a similiar effect--- i had DECADES of old "emotional grunge" inside of me.....it was so impacted, it took a few crying sessions to dislodge the deeper--older stuff...but i must say i felt better...i knew i was on my way!!! when i get my back spasms or my ibs flareups, i now ask my IC, "ok what are we needing to feel now???" feelings do NOT go away---they go "under" and they come back up until they are accepted--allowed---felt----dealt with---- than the next and the next till the "purging" of the old is done....THAN daily step work keeps it current so there is not this "accruel" of pain to deal with......
up until these past few weeks, i was so "sure" i was " a dealing and a healing" but i was STILL running from feelings....i just didn't want any more pain....this crap was bad enough, like i was dodging still a lot of it....this LAST back spasm made me reach out in desperationt to my sponser...like "WHAT am i missing???? i am hitting NEAR the bullseye, but not ON it".....than the discussion about ACCEPTING the inner child/ family or origin pain work.....going back to the ROOT of it all....i had done SOME....but needed more.....so now the "bed time" chats with my IC, going back down memory lane, remembering and feeling and accepting and understanding and showing COMPASSION AND REassurance to my IC that "i am here for U now".....i feel a kind of release now---much work to do, but its ok, hell i have been through the worst......the ground has been dug...the foundation has been laid, now i need to REBUILD the decadent building i just tore down!!!! with love/ acceptance/ compassion AND patience..........thanks, R
I feel lucky to be a mom of my 4 yr old because I am able to give her what I did not get growing up. I think that is also very healing for me and my IC. I tell her every day how lucky I am to have her as my daughter. How special she is and how much she is loved. I see in her a confidence and happy go lucky attitude I know I never had as a child or as an adult! When she talks I listen even when I do not want to. I also apologize when I am not able to be there for her emotionally. She is so quick to forgive and let us get back to being a famiy again.
I know I am doing better than my parents did.
I have always been a crier. My mom to this day shames me for it like it is a fault. I also have cried for hours on end purging my soul of the pain in life. I often amazes me as women how often we all do need to cry. I heard in chat here once that tears are liquid prayers. If that is so than I have prayed allot!
I cried all day today. Don't really know why. I walked home and the minute I hit the door I sobbed and sobbed. Then I read my love addiction book. I am slowly coming to understand my co-addicted relationship with my A. I feel so much better having gotten it out.
I think like you in that I show up for things, do things no matter what out of a sense of duty. Snow storms, sick, tired still have to do it because of duty. Where does this come from and should we keep doing it?
nancy, i "show up for duty" on this recovery work, and do my job, and leave outcome to my higher self....thats all...i can push the progress/ can't force it to hurry/ can't do anything but daily work , leave the outcome to hp......thats what i meant.....if i feel like i am bashing my head against the wall?? no hope of good outcome??? i leave!!!!! hope this explained me better....rosie
