The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have come here in hopes that I can find some help with some questions I'm asking myself.
I have been in a relationship with an alcoholic for the past year and a half. I care deeply for her and feel like I don't know what to do anymore.
She has gone through a 28 day rehab is on drug court now recently has to blow into a breathalyzer 4 times a day. Yesterday was court day and I had not heard from her I had a feeling that she ended up in jail. Sure enough at 5:30 I receive the call confirming that she was.
She says that she had missed blowing in her machine and it was a violation of court along with a dirty pee test from the past. She may have been drinking this past weekend too I know she was with a "friend" that she drinks with all the time. She says she wasn't but it's hard to believe when you have been lied to so much.
Anyway, what do I do, walk away? It's so easy to say but so hard to do. When u care for someone all u want to do is help but I know that this is out of my control. Yet I feel like I have let her down and feel like a bad person turning my back on someone I care and love. How much can a person take when is enough enough? Is walking away the best answer?
Hello Rae Welcome I can understand how you feel and the concern you have for someone who has as addiction issue. This chronic, progressive fatal disease over which we are powerless affects not only the person who uses alone but their friends and family as well That is why recovery programs have been established for family members
. I suggest that you seach out alaon or Naranon face to face meetings in your community and attend. Here I was given the support I needed in order to develop new tools to live by. You are not alone and there is hope Please keep coming back.
Hello Rae and welcome to MIP. I'm with Betty - we are affected when one we love or live with has addiction issues - substances or alcohol. We often develop distorted ways of coping and it affects our self-esteem, reactions, etc. Al-Anon helped me work on me to make better choices for me. There is no right/wrong answer on staying/going that we can offer, but recovery can help you explore many things, and help you make the best choice for you.
Keep coming back - there is hope and help in recovery! Glad you found us and glad that you joined right in!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Hello Rae,
You are the only one that can decide to stay with your friend or not. It sound like the court has already set strict boundaries for her. That is great because that takes that responsibility off of your shoulders. That makes it not your fault if she fails a drug test or breathalyzer. My ex-alcoholic boyfriend is very sick and in nursing home right now because of his drinking. For me at least he is safe and being taken care of. Unfortunately, Alcoholism is a progressive disease and for some it ends in jail, institution, or death. Maybe this experiences with the law will help your girlfriend stop drinking. Alanon is for friends and families to learn new coping skills from other people who have been or are going through the same things as you.
