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I am trying to let go of my accountability button .. the one I hold over my XAH .. yes .. he should pay for 50% of a LOT to do with the kids .. he's fighting me on it .. it doesn't mean he's not going to pay .. it means that I will have to get there a different way. Usually courts and attorney's are involved .. LOL!!!
So in the moment I am trying to breathe. My daughter is graduating and there are a ton of expenses he doesn't believe he should pay and he doesn't believe he should pay 50%. Some of them he really doesn't have to pay and I don't want him to pay because guess what he didn't earn the right to pay them and I will gladly pay them so she can have a graduation that she doesn't want him at, she can partake in her fun with her friends vs being worried about the weirdness that will show up and try at behave as if he has had a part in her success .. the man who wanted her to marry her first boyfriend at 15 .. they were both 15. He's nuts is putting it mildly .. thank GOD she sees reason and she sees that it is not normal to push children into marriage.
That accountability button I would love to beat him with it until he sees reason and that's my insanity of making him "see" how wrong he is .. it reminds me of the meme that states "Sit in the corner in your wrongness and just sit there" it's probably the mantra I would say while beating him with the accountability button.
He honestly doesn't believe he's done anything wrong. He honestly believes he should not apologize which brings me to another issue of being alright with the apology I will not get and seeing that my children are ok with the apology they will never get. Well at least today .. they will not get that apology today.
Now .. my accountability button .. it's out of order at the moment so I need a reset. So I am practicing breathing .. I am practicing letting go and I am asking my HP for guidance as to my next step which will be coming shortly. Probably sooner than I am ready .. LOL.
For now .. I breath .. for now I ask that I do the next right thing for me and leave him to do what he's going to do even if I don't agree with it .. because of my experience with his behavior .. he's an a$$.
Hugs S :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
(((Serenity))) - sending you positive thoughts and prayers. I have no experience in dealing with an ex yet do have various friends that have.....what I've observed is that the one paying child support often believe that's their fair share in it's entirety. I believe the court doesn't do a good job explaining that it intends to cover the basic living expenses for the child. Many also assume alimony should cover any incidental expenses for the children when it has a completely different intent.
I've always been just an observer and don't have the history or emotion tied in as those who are living with it do. I love that you are trying to do a reset with your accountability. I'm sorry that you are having another 'battle moment' - I know they are challenging yet I do see you grow each time!
Keep using your tools and program - you will get to the other side!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I think what I struggle with is it's in the court papers of what he should pay .. He doesn't feel it's "fair" .. My feeling is I don't care what he thinks. Lol .. I care what the judge thinks. It's hard to deal with the kids wondering many things. Mostly what's wrong with them that they aren't getting what they need from him. Grateful that the guy in my life is providing for them both a model of what a man should do and how a man is suppose to behave. I just do a lot of SMH lol ..
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Hi Serenity, thank you for the share and ESH. I love how you practiced your breathing and waited for your HP to give you direction. I also love that you have humor in such a stressful situation. It sounds to me like you're children are lucky to have you as their mom. Hugs and prayers to you and your kids.
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- Carrie
Stress is caused by being 'here' but wanting to be 'there'. Eckhart Tolle
