The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I was listening to an Al-Anon speaker recording this morning and the speaker gave a mental illustration that really struck me. She said "An alcoholic can be like a slot machine. They pay off every now and then, just enough to keep you playing."
Boy oh boy I know that feeling. Right now things are okay. He is controlling his drinking or drinking after I go to bed and things are way calmer than they are during a bender. Just calm enough to keep me pulling the handle, you know?
But I am still not totally at ease as I wait for the wheels to come off the bus.
I have enough program under my belt to know this is stinking thinking and all my attention on him is diverting me from dealing with my own internal mess. But man it feels like a crazy game of carrot in front of the nose, leading me along.
Thanks for letting me share!
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Bethany
"Folks are usually about as happy as they make their minds up to be." Abe Lincoln
Bethany I really like that a lot .. I have heard a new term that fits my relationship with my X big time .. bread crumbing .. I used to say that I was eating the scraps at the table that was suppose to be full and fooling myself into thinking it was enough. He would put out just enough to make it seem like I was getting something .. after all something is better than nothing. I did feel full because I was emotionally starving.
Bread crumbing is a lot like ghosting only worse in my eyes .. ghosting the other person in dating will just disappear with no explanation or anything never call never text or so on .. bread crumbing is just giving a taste here and there to keep someone on the hook .. keep them coming back and keep them feeling that is enough.
I'm going to save that analogy though because it's totally appropriate in dealing with any kind of crazy making behavior .. you really don't know what you are going to get.
Hugs S :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Bethany - thank you for your share. How insightful for the speaker to draw the correlation between a slot machine and a qualifier. I know that before recovery, my self-worth and esteem were closely tied to what others thought of me and how they treated me. In recovery, others shared that how others act/think/react truly has more to do with them than me. I struggled to understand and accept this for a while and I think it's because I didn't value me so I could not see that I mattered and deserved the best life possible.
I enjoy listening to speakers and seeing how they work it. Always gives me more to consider and process for program/journey enhancements!! Thanks for bringing to MIP...
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks Bethany, I like that too. This is what was going on in my relationship too and it triggered the addictive part of me. This type of behaviour is very very addictive, the whole give give, dont give, give. Was it Skinner who did the experiment with rats that is a similar type of thing, give give dont and the rats are hooked. Its conditioning and its really effective. Although it helps us understand our behaviour, the alcoholics emotional unavailability is due to their own compulsion and disease. Powerful stuff.
This struck such a chord with me, i actually dreamed i was playing a slot machine after reading it earlier that day. It is a very accurate analogy and helped me gain some concrete insight into whats going on.
I absolutely love this quote!!! It hits the nail on the head for me. Wow....what a very true and honest assessment of my life in one small statement.
"An alcoholic can be likea slot machine. They pay off every now and then, just enough to keep youplaying."
Thank you for taking the time to post this. It is exactly what I needed to remember today (and everyday)!
It's so hard to believe my RAH has been sober (and working a program) almost 23 months! It seems like everything in our lives (the whole immediate family) has changed FOR THE BETTER!
Thank you Elcee and thank you MIP!
Through over two years of "two steps forward...one step back", MIP and her members have been with me. There were so many times I wanted to stop and get off the merry-go-round, but MIP's wonderful members kept me going. I don't stay glued to the site anymore, but I still find this site to be a "grounding point place" where I can come to get myself back on track. It has been especially helpful and important when meetings have been inconsistent or lacking.
Hey DMB - great to see you! Thanks for sharing and (((hugs))) to you all! Give you AH a 'way to go' from an MIP double-winner!!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
