The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
There has been many things going on around me. What I've learned in recovery is that I am powerless over people, places and things and my goal is to stay as sane as possible, sober (double winner), serene and of service. These 4 S(s) are a part of my daily morning prayers.
So as I've been working my recovery in spite of events, it dawned on me this morning that I rarely face challenges/events one at a time. For whatever reason, the distractions in my recovery seem to come in quantities. I laughed this morning when the thought of 'binge chaos' popped into my brain. Sounded reasonable and applicable for me, right now.
I'll start with ... my sponsor went on vacation. That's enough said for now.
Then, my friend with Cancer reached out asking for some socializing/support. Of course, we rallied around here because that's what we do.
I evicted my youngest son from my rental home. He vacated, left behind most of his belongings, and fell off the side of the planet for 6 days.
My oldest has moved back in here as he and his baby momma are taking a break. In typical A fashion, he's decided it's a good idea to drink again and he's 'looking for love in all the wrong places, including his childhood bedroom of my home.'
One of my Al-Anon friends lost his qualifier at the age of 36 to the disease.
My cousin who has MH issues + Addiction issues + a small child (4) has slipped big time, and the state is taking her child away again....(was asked if I could foster him...)
Another cousin got her 5th DUI and as the only one out of 40+ family members in recovery, I was called upon to 'fix her'.
This list is the 'big events'.....does not include all the daily challenges we face when we live with or are married to an active AH!!
I have been actively choosing to stay aligned with my boundaries and my recovery. I've had to simplify what Service means to me during this time of my life. There is that part of me that I've worked hard to change - the fixer - that really, really is pulling at me. I've paused often, stopped, dropped and prayed for direction. My HP, God, has not let me down.
My most concerning element of this list was my missing son. This was the one 'event' that kept interrupting my serenity and while we've been 'here' before, this was the first time he's gone MIA while gainfully employed and still talking with us. Typically the pattern is a bit different. He did surface yesterday finally and I can say that I was genuinely relieved and grateful as my gut was really, really wondering if he was dead in a ditch some place.
So - this is a summary of what's been pulling on me of late. I can honestly say that one/two of these things before recovery would have had me on the crazy train going to absolutely no place in particular. Yet, working a recovery program to the best of my ability gave me the tools instead to buckle down, stay focused on me and what I can do and trust God with the rest.
I can honestly say that I am praying for dull/boring/calm to return. Softball starts up again in 10 days and I am so, so excited - it's an almost therapeutic experience for me!! (((hugs))) to all - I share so you know that we can 'be' no matter what is going on around us. Balance is one goal I always strive for, so on a positive note:
- I did get to all my meetings.
- I did take a road trip up to socialize with my gal pals.
- My Al-Anon group is working to add more fellowship events so we had another potluck, went to dinner together and have more fun planned.
- I've gotten to the batting cages a couple times and played one round of golf.
- Layla and I have returned to outside walking on the warmer days.
- I am seeing my grandbabies more and more and they are delightful!
- My HP has been in the lead and I've been OK with all that.
- Life is great in spite of all that is swirling around me!
(((Hugs))) to all - make it a great Thursday!!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Apparently when it rains on your side, it rains chaos...my goodness! Wow...thank you so much for sharing what you've been up against lately, I had a feeling something was up. Great testament to your program(s), truly, and reliance on higher power and knowing limits.
I feel worn out just reading your share, but also inspired as I see you working your program to get through a very challenging stretch. Glad to hear that you are alive and thriving, keep up the good work, and start the countdown!
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Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
First, thank you for your continued service to this board. I like your post very much. It really is a great example of the "program in action." I know there are times when I would just like to say stop the world, I would like to get off LOL. All sort of people, places and things can come at us from all sides at times but recovery has given us the power to change our mind. Boundaries as you mentioned are our greatest tool. I especially use them concerning what I'll ruminate about and what I'll leave in the hands of the god of my understanding who will be in tough with me if that higher power needs my assistance.
I'm glad your in a place of serenity again concerning your son who was MIA. Admittedly, that's a touch one. As far as many of the other things you mentioned, I couldn't help but think while reading your post that others are not up to speed concerning your recovery or maybe they're just hopeful they can play upon your emotions and cause an emotional relapse. I admire your strength in choosing where you spend your emotions and your ability to say no to others and yes to you when necessary.
I also love all the things you shared at the end of your post - examples of things you do for you consistently for the pure joy of doing them. Life is good when we're recovering, it truly is. I like the way you are honoring your own life first by living it fully. Thanks for sharing. ((hugs))) TT
-- Edited by tiredtonite on Thursday 2nd of March 2017 08:40:55 PM
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
Thanks for the support, prayers, positive thoughts and shares! I did laugh Paul - and I 'feel' exactly as you suggest - when it rains.....it freakin pours. I readily admit I prefer my own little 'bubble' yet I do love my friends and family so get informed/contacted/asked for help. God does know what he's doing - I was able to decline helping my cousin with her 4 YO as I have my son full-time and his boys part-time. I helped out last time, and when I enforced my boundaries, it caused some drama in the family.
I know each event is for me to learn and grow from. Yet, a part of me feels as if I would be happy if Earth stopped if only for a while TT. I forgot to mention how grateful I am that we are asked to focus on this day only. Knowing I only have to focus on the present and the here/now truly helps when things are going on around me.
Today felt like a good day to do a bit of a 'dump' here so that's what I did. I believe it's so helpful to hear how we face challenges, how we get to the other side and hopefully maintain our sanity, serenity and a bit of grace along the way.
I've got the babies in the morning and then off to golf in the afternoon....looking forward to Friday!! (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
