The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been going to F2F meeting and reading posts here and find a lot of good info, I am having a hard time these past few days with this thought...My AGF is in a 90 day in patient recovery program and seems to be doing very well. Shortly after she went in I discovered Al-anon and have been growing myself. My fear is that being fully immersed in her program, she is growing and learning so much more than me. I know it is not a competition, and I do not have the benefit of 24/7 help, but I want to do well for me and for her, and I don't want her to come home in 23 days and not see where I have grown. I want to do as well as she seems to be, but I feel so far behind.
Ok, writing this I feel silly, but I still can't shake this thought.
Your thoughts aren't silly and I'm glad you shared them.
There is a phenomenon they talk about in AA called being on a "pink cloud". It happens when someone get sober and suddenly everything in their life is wonderful. It doesn't happen to everyone and usually doesn't last long. Recovery is not a quick process whether in AA or Al-Anon. Everyone progresses at a different rate, and we don't all start at the same place. If you focus on working your program to the best of your ability today, that's the best thing you can do for both of you.
With prayers and hope that you both get whatever you need,
Kelly
Thank you! I am happy to be working my program and I am thrilled to be progressing. I am also very happy by the changes I see in her. I hope we both continue down this path, I know I will not give up, I will pray for her progress and mine. I just wish I could do more. Where is my 90 day program? LOL
((Rickbrins))) Welcome Keep coming back and using the tools such as the slogans, meetings, sponsor and the Steps. You will then feel and see your progress and be then be able to " identify "with your GF and stop comparing.
Welcome Rickbrins - glad you found us and glad that you shared. Both sides of the program stress progress, not perfection. While intensive inpatient treatment does provide a 'safe' and 'controlled' environment with an onslaught of recovery, it still comes down to all that we discuss - One Day at a Time, Powerlessness, Higher Power, etc.
It's a journey and you're doing it!!! Just for today, give yourself a break, stay present in the now and trust both the process and the program. I send you (((hugs))), positive thoughts and prayers - keep doing what you're doing - it's for you and you're worth it!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
It is just a thought. Not totally invalid. However, as you progress in the program, you will get better at not stressing over things you have little to no control of and this is one of them. Stay in today!
I think it is normal to feel a little left out when your A is in a program. I have felt ill at ease when my A has come home too. I think remembering that alcoholism or addiction is an illness might make it easier.
I have been going to F2F meeting and reading posts here and find a lot of good info, I am having a hard time these past few days with this thought...My AGF is in a 90 day in patient recovery program and seems to be doing very well. Shortly after she went in I discovered Al-anon and have been growing myself. My fear is that being fully immersed in her program, she is growing and learning so much more than me. I know it is not a competition, and I do not have the benefit of 24/7 help, but I want to do well for me and for her, and I don't want her to come home in 23 days and not see where I have grown. I want to do as well as she seems to be, but I feel so far behind.
Ok, writing this I feel silly, but I still can't shake this thought.
Rick- I totally relate to this. When my AH got sober in AA, I had many of the same feelings. I had even been in Al-Anon for a while before he got sober. It seemed like he was almost over night in such a better place than I was. I distinctly remember thinking that it wasn't fair that all of a sudden I was the crazy, sick person! This was MY disease talking though. I was still the same as always but without a drunk husband to worry about. My husband is getting closer to 2 yrs sober now and I no longer think this way, it's not a competition after all. :)
Just keep working your program and trust that your HP has placed you exactly where you are meant to be.
I know exactly how you are feeling. I felt so left out of his recovery from alcoholism. I flashed back to that feeling this weekend when he told me about his "secret group" for his cancer recovery. He treated AA also as his "secret group". I so much wanted to be part of the group. I wanted to be part of his life. I wanted...... I wanted....... but AlAnon kept on reminding me to take care of ME. And so I did. Slowly those feelings of being left out were forgotten as I got happy in my own life.
All these great words of wisdom are helping. I know it is just an internal struggle and I need to have faith in the program and in my HP. Things will progress the way they are meant to. After all too fast could leave me confused and out of place. I am feeling much better for now, Thanks to these boards and F2F meetings.
Aloha Rick just a piece of information about this disease that you might want to remember for the future. Fear is the number 1 emotional characteristic in it. When I found that out and lapse into it I would respond "Oh hello was wondering when you were going to visit...No I don't need any today", "thanks". (((hugs))) It works when you work it.
Jerry F, I love that response to fear, I just have to learn to put it into action on a regular basis. The topic in todays F2F was fear, there goes that HP with timely lessons.
Jerry I love that response. I'm going to write that down. :)
Rick- Thanks for sharing so honestly about your feelings. Although I have not compared myself to my AH since he has never been in recovery I can relate to worrying that I am not progressing fast enough. My group members often remind me that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. That reassures me. Have a great day.
It works when you work it.