The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The ODAT reading for February 19 speaks about violence.. The reading suggests that while living with the disease of alcoholism, violence may be part of the equation and that living with the insanity many tend to deny or over look it .
The reading tells the story of a woman who had been badly treated by her husband and physically abused who then found the courage to come to a meeting. She could finally attend because her hubby was in jail and could not stop her . She told her story and indicated that she did not want to get a divorce or leave her marriage. Her sponsor told her that the decision was up to her, that there was help for abused women and that others might have given up long ago . The woman was not ready for a complete break as she said by all reason I know I should separate myself from him, but I do love him. I am here to learn how to behave different .
She had found her own answers, as we all must do. No one can understand it. It is obvious that none of us are wise enough to make a decision for another, actually we in Al-Anon all know that no situation is really hopeless. In this particular case. It was not hopeless, the man was released from jail and the woman overcame her fear and let go of her, self-pity and stop involving herself in his disasters, stopped engaging in arguments so that he finally did faces his problems and even learned to face them in AA.
Although we are powerless over people places and things. I have found that if I detach, treat everyone with courtesy and respect situations change without my doing anything. HP is in control.
I love the fact that we do not give advice in alanon because we believe no one truly knows what anyone else should do. The answers for each are within and each person needs to look within to listen for guidance. Keep coming back , use a slogan or work the steps are the best advice I received.
I found this aspect of al-anon was what kept me coming back- knowing that I was not going to be advised (or if I was offered unsolicited advice, I could 'take what i liked and leave the rest" without feeling guilty). Feeling that I could speak freely and being open about my experience gave me the opportunity to hear myself and to be honest with myself- and that was what i needed to be able to begin to change.
It was not an experience I was ever going to find trying to discuss my crazy home-life and/or inner life with anyone outside of al-anon! i also feel really good when I allow others to speak now and I don't offer advice unless it is asked for. I feel like I have earned a much more respectful way to treat the people in my life and I'm really grateful for it.
This 'no advice' business is why I kept coming back and why my life has changed in so many ways since finding my way here.
Thanks, Betty, for sharing this awesome principle
I liked today's reading too. I like where it says that no situation is hopeless. It's filled with such hope. It then says when she stopped trying to force solutions he was able to see the reality of his own alcoholism and he got to aa. My ex was left to see and got to aa. It truly works. Reality and truth is found when the enabling controlling and manipulation ends. Thanks for your service x
Good morning and happy Sunday....thank you Betty for the daily, your service and ESH. Coming from the other side of the house where topics are often presented by struggling members and the others give advice, suggestions and more, I had to adjust to the Al-Anon way.....we don't necessarily tell folks to leave their home/wife/husband/other but we do strongly encourage struggling members to take any action necessary to avoid that first drink!!! Of course, it is because of the progressive nature of the disease and the risk of death (talked about often)...so - there is certainly much more unsolicited advice on the AA side in my area.
What I've come to appreciate is the sharing of others experience, strength and hope for me to hear/respond/digest. I used to believe I had the intelligence to solve any problem and face an y obstacle. While I am very strong and smart, my burden has become much easier to carry when I am open and willing to hear how others have walked the path before me. I truly can take what I like and leave the rest.
When I encounter members living with abuse, I am extra cautious about my sharing. I do believe we each have our own journey and like El-Cee, I love that line about no situation being hopeless. We have hand-outs in our meetings with resources available for those in abusive situations and make sure to give them many phone numbers. As with all things in recovery, it is my role to carry the message not the person. Also, as with all things in recovery, one has to want it to get it...
Make it a great day - off to a meeting in a bit. Happy Sunday - we are having another lovely spring-like day in the middle of February!!! I love it!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
