The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
AlAnon encourages us to consider our role in the unpleasantness at home...and it would be a very rare case that the alcoholic was responsible for it all in its entirety. Today's page acknowledges that it is a difficult, but entirely necessary part of our recovery.
A look at our motives behind what we say, when we say it, and how we say it can reveal areas where we can possibly improve. Regular AlAnon meetings and reading help, too, as we are more likely to see things we might not have noticed on our own.
"Make me grateful for having been shown a way out of my difficulties through the Al-Anon program of self-understanding. Make me humble enough to accept a new and more rational view of my life." - Unknown
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Before I found AlAnon, I honestly believed that I was the victim of my qualifier's behavior and disease, and the answer to improving everything lay with getting her to stop drinking. I saw nothing wrong with how I handled things, it was all on her.
It was a staggering revelation when AlAnon helped me step back and examine my own behavior and efforts to control so many things outside of myself, including my qualifier. So much of the fear, frustration, disappointment and anger I was feeling was a result of my own actions, attitudes, and perspectives.
I still struggle often with this 'attitude adjustment' as old thinking tries to creep in and place the blame on others for how I feel . I am so grateful for the program, however, as now I know I can find a healthy mind place regardless of the actions of others. Let it begin with me
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Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Good Morning Paul, Thank you for sharing your thoughts on today's important reading. Before alanon, I too thought of myself as a victim of the alcoholic's moods and disease. When I picked up the slogans, began to truly listen at meetings, became honest enough to examine my motives and worked the Steps with my sponsor, I discovered a whole host of negative, destructive tools I had been using that not only hurt me but interfered negatively in all my relationships.
Thanks to program I can now accept life on life's terms with kindness, compassion, . courage and serenity.
Thank you, Paul. It was a revelation to me, too, to realize that I was not a blameless victim of my qualifier's drinking and subsequent negative behaviors. In any situation, I own something of the dialogue and outcome - even if it was only a small part. It's so easy to pretend to be morally elevated and blame someone else for a disagreement, awkwardness, or poorly-handled situation, but if I want to clean my side of the street, I have to examine what I contributed.
While repeating a 4th step, I reviewed my journal. From that little bit of distance, I invariably found that every time I was unhappy I had dragged in a shortcoming which made the whole situation worse. This introspection pointed out the work I had yet to do, even though I thought I had been diligent in trying to root out my flaws. I don't think I'll ever be done with this process, but that's OK. It is well worth returning to the program each day to help me stay on the path of learning to be the person I want to be. If I let go of trying to improve, all that will happen is the wreckage will pile up behind me.
Onward -
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"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
Happy Monday to one and all and thank you for the shares....Paul - thank you also for your service and the daily.
I too believed I was a victim to the disease and the diseased. I really thought that if they would just change, I would be 'happy'. I did not realize I played a part, nor that I was a willing volunteer. The disease had distorted my self-worth and my self-esteem to the point where my emotional state was directly tied to the actions/words of my qualifiers. While what they often did/said was painful, I did not realize I had choices.
Al-Anon gave me the tools to work on me and heal me. The tools also gave me choices that I did not realize I had before. So, so grateful for the many gifts of recovery - and all of you at MIP....love my extended family and grateful that you are a part of my journey!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks so much for sharing today's reading and how you work on "changed attitudes." I can go to that place of victimization particularly when troubling circumstances are weighing heavily on my mind. But despite powerlessness over people, places and things, it's always within my power to change my thinking. Momentary lapses into pity don't need to become full blown parties. It starts with willingness. Early in recovery it began with a willingness to be willing and those baby steps turned into actually taking responsibility taking the necessary steps for attaining and holding onto serenity - making use of the Alanon tools available to me. Meetings, readings, sponsor and conscious contact with my hp all return my focus to myself.
Alanon is a program of attraction not promotion. Others will be who they are and do what they choose to do. What better way to be proactive concerning the sanity and serenity within my home than to respond in healthy ways to those in my home no matter what the other person's behavior - do my part to treat the home and persons in it with respect and dignity.
Ultimately, the condition of my home, the emotional climate in my home is a reflection of my own spiritual condition. With that said, for the sake of my own sanity and serenity it's important for me to clean house regularly as well as keep my side of the street clean. ((hugs)) TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
