The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
ABF is not responding well to my detaching and not engaging any longer in arguments. This morning he left to drive home (1 1/2 hours away), and said that I was about to learn what real pain felt like because he was never going to speak to me again.
I know this is the disease talking, and while every fiber in my being wants to reach out and say something, anything, I know that I'd be doing myself a disservice by doing so.
Am I right in this? If not, how should I proceed? Any/all advice would be welcomed with wide open arms.
My best suggestion is to use this time to focus on you, your recovery and your needs. For me, when I follow the insanity in any way/shape/form, I quickly join in and - yes....am given the same results. If I do something different, the chances of a different outcome are way better.
So sorry that you're 'there' - you're not alone and there is always hope/help in recovery!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
HI I agree with IAH. There is a slogan that states "Do not just do something sit there:" I would apply this to the pain your are experiencing and use the serenity prayer often. Meetings help at times like this as well.
Hello Gent, well first off according to your post he said he was not going to speak to you again. So I would think twice why I would reach out, if there will be no response (pain). I would also ask myself why do I want to remain in a relationship with someone who is trying to cause me pain. Life is hard enough without someone deliberately adding pain. Take the time to think about what YOU want, and how you can take the time to understand the disease of alcoholism so you can make better judgements and choices for yourself. Take care of yourself, you are worth it.
My other thought that is probably not nice .. it is a reality .. the hardest thing to get rid of is an active alcoholic/addict .. they will be back .. or at least I should say that has been my experience .. like it or not they tend not to go away even if they are screaming that they don't want the relationship while doing it. Sometimes that's not the case .. again in my experience they come back.
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Every alcoholic I have ever known will do anything to get their needs met. Often that includes manipulation, which can come in the form of not speaking to someone. Early in my recovery I wanted all my needs met by my AH. Now I have a sponsor and many friends, so that I don't have to go through anything alone. If you can get to a meeting and speak face-to-face with other Al-Anon members it will help. Whether he ever speaks to you again or not, you will be okay.
