The material presented
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
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"My power comes in giving MYSELF what I need. No longer looking to others, outside of myself to get my sense of security. I cannot trust the alcoholics in my life. �However, I CAN TRUST MYSELF... the guide within me always.... I can listen to.... I can trust... and I can nurture that guide. �Al-anon shows me how."
Hi all... I quoted that from H2P (hope you don't mind!!) So ABF of 5yrs has been doing very well in AA albeit a few slips. I have definitely learned so much from Alanon that I can walk away, not engage, set boundaries, etc... very proud that I can do that considering 2yrs ago I was a screaming accusing mess. A few weeks ago I mentioned moving in with him (my financial situation is getting worse and us living together would allow for savings and all that) .. BUT I guess I have too much hope. Some may recall I have a 15yr old daughter that would be moving in too. (she is 50/50 with me and her dad) She has no clue he is in AA. I myself, can use my tools to deal with slips..(which he had tonight and I can already tell he is upset with himself) but to risk bringing my daughter into this.... even if slips are getting less? I am trying to absorb H2P
quote. I think it is pretty spot on, although I struggle since pretty much everyone thinks by 5yrs you shld live with your partner. As if I don't care enough about him. ugggg Tonight I did tell him I would not be in same room and went into bedroom. I told him he chose to drink and he will have to deal with it. He is already saying well he's not perfect, and tomorrow is a new day (even though I feel I have a right to not be overly happy with him tomorrow. I won't say anything, just be quieter. But I suppose less than a year in AA truly isn't enough time...
Why don't you tell your daughter the truth of the situation and ask what she thinks? She's old enough to understand alcoholism to a certain extent. I think your right to have big doubts she doesn't have the tools it's hard enough for us to cope. Your daughter is at such a vulnerable age. Is there any way you could look to other solutions for your finances? Leaning on a man so early in recovery is surely going to cause much more problems in your life and that of your child. I am glad your attending meetings give it more time before making big decisions like this.
Giving myself what I need. No longer looking to others for a sense of security -- what a great concept. How does that apply to uncertain finances?
There are lots of reasons to take a relationship to the next level. Finances, everyone else does by 5 years, he's trying in AA -- these are reasons, too.
I am divorcing someone I married against my better judgment at 48, so my ESH is from the other side. I feel better and am sleeping better than I have in years. A sign that this is right for me. I wish you and your daughter every happiness, Aerin.
For me, the slogans are so easy yet so powerful. I have survived over and over and over again in recovery using the Slogan, "When in doubt, don't." The program has given me the ability to identify my feelings better so excitement and fear over trying something 'good' that is new/different feels way different than doubt over trying something just different.
Lean into your program and trust your HP. At my home, by 15, my boys both had already had alcohol, various substances - well beyond cigs. and pot. As with many other things, the age of exposure to mind altering substances has become younger and younger and if you feel the need to discuss him with her, she will probably understand more than you expect. By 15, each of my sons had school-mates that had already been to rehab....it's sad but it's real.
I rarely have all the answers at one time, but have found tons of peace in processing for choices instead of answers. I tend to remove the emotions, focus on the facts and then allow myself choices - at least 2, sometimes more. So - example - my finances are dire, I can't afford my place alone. Choices - 1. Move in with BF. 2. Get a roommate. 3. Seek a room share. If I can 'act as if' I'm helping a friend and focus on the facts, it helps me clearly see more than one way and pray which is the best for me (and daughter).
Aerin - you've come so, so far - you've got this!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
