The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading is about how we may fall into patterns of competitiveness; comparing ourselves to others and even competing with ourselves. The reading suggests that this behavior may stem from feeling inadequate, and a fear of making mistakes in front of others.
When we participate in alanon, we are all coming together from a common perspective. There is no scenario worse or better than another, or judgment about one another. I think someone mentioned here recently that the strength in there being no cross talk at meetings was that each person who shares has an equal voice- I agree with that and would add that people who are more comfortable listening and bearing witness at meetings also not need feel less than because thy have not shared aloud.
We are here because we are living or have lived with alcoholics. I am grateful to here with all of you!
Beautiful Share Mary . Prior to working the alanon I can certainly identify with having a spirit of "Competitiveness " not only with myself but with all others. Enter the alanon fellowship of equals and I discovered that comparing myself to others is a destructive tool that sometimes indicates I am on top and other times others are better. A simple solution was suggested and I am so pleased I embraced it as the best way to STOP this practice was to not engage because to "Compare is to despair and by acknowledging that we are all equals and entitled to our opinions and to be treated with courtesy and respect I learn to respect myself .
Thank you for your service, M, and you and hotrod for your ESH on this topic...very helpful for me! I really like this page.
Gauging my status or progress by that of others came from fear of not being where I 'should' be in life. Even the times I felt good were laced with fear as I was so focused on others and constantly monitoring the equal line. When I felt that I was below the line, the feelings were devastating as self doubt, frustration and anger at my choices became the dominant moods.
The AlAnon thought of focus on my own recovery has helped tremendously in this area, and I can sense a big shift in my self acceptance. This in turn has helped me with my attitude toward my qualifier, as I am reminded we were just two lost souls swimmin' in a fish bowl...
Grateful for the guidance of the program, and the amazing feeling and comfort when I keep it to just my higher power and me, without a wandering eye on the progress and status of others
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Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Thanks Mary for your service and the daily. Thanks to all above for your ESH. Before I arrived, I felt superior to others in many ways...yet still found myself feeling 'less than' more than I should! I rarely (if ever) considered that we were all equal, instead comparing often others outsides with my inner parts. It was a lonely and painful way to exist and very tiring.
I love that Al-Anon tells me I am not less than or great than anybody else - my family, my fellow program friends, my qualifiers. Instead, the program suggests I find my own truth, advocate gently for my own serenity and allow others the grace and dignity of their own journey. I would NEVER have gotten to that place on my own - so grateful for God and the program to center me...
Happy Tuesday to one and all - was supposed to golf today but decided it was too chilly!!! Soon we will have spring - soon!!! (((Hugs)))
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
