The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
After 13 years of marriage and two kids I decided I could not take anymore of his behavior. I decided no matter how hard it would be I was better off and could do this on my own. I needed peace in my home and my kids are I are doing just fine. He's a good Dad and is there for us. So I consider myself lucky. My husband has been unfaithful, he has a gambling addiction, had I believe a pornography addiction, lied to me continuously and was verbally abusive. I found phone records with calls to prostitutes that he claimed he never met with. He would come home drunk from work and tell me he had not been drinking.
So many broken promises, so many attempts at trying to fix this. He thinks I am over reacting because he's a very high functioning alcoholic. He still has a good job, never been in any trouble..yet. But I can't watch him binge drink anymore and ruin every event we ever tried to do together. He was mean, cruel at times. There was zero trust. I tried therapy and he promised over and over things would change.
He would get so drunk he couldn't stand or speak. What's confusing about this disease is how it almost seems he can manage it so you fool yourself into thinking they are ok? It's a really hard time but not as hard as living with him.
Welcome Gapgirl, There are a lot of high functioning alcoholics. Unfortunately, alcoholism is a family disease and sometimes families see more than other people do. It is progressive and gets worse in time. Sometimes binge drinking can be more harmful than drinking everyday. My qualifier is an ex-bf that who would try to quit drinking for week or so and then go on a binge. The mood swings are terrible. Some people are able to stay in their relationship, while others are not. Either way Alanon is a support group of people who have been through similar situations and want to focus on their own recovery. We follow the same 12 step program that AA does. Step one is that, We admitted we were powerless over alcoholthat our lives had become unmanageable. There are face to face meeting and online meetings. I hope you will try and join one.
-- Edited by shrnp on Thursday 2nd of February 2017 11:04:17 PM
Welcome Gapgirl to MIP - so glad you found us and so glad you joined right in. I am also glad you've found local meetings - for me, especially during confusing times, they helped center me and ground me. I needed constant reminders that I am powerless over what they do, and my goal is peace of mind in the midst of any storm, to be the best of my ability.
My qualifiers are really good at saying what I want to hear. I was primed by the disease and my distorted thinking to believe AND rely on those words. Time and time again, the disease would raise up, and I would feel used, dumb, sad, confused and more. As I continued practicing the program one day at a time, I came to a place where I still believe what they say as I know deep down they don't want to be 'the diseased', I just don't rely on it. I've carved my own path and place and know that God will lead me and care for me when things go different than planned.
It's a process and we focus on progress ... not perfection. I love in our closing where it says -
"Whatever your problems, there are those among us who have had them, too. If you try to keep an open mind, you will find help. You will come to realize that there is no situation too difficult to be bettered and no unhappiness too great to be lessened. We arent perfect. The welcome we give you may not show the warmth we have in our hearts for you. After a while, youll discover that though you may not like all of us, youll love us in a very special way the same way we already love you. Talk to each other, reason things out with someone else, but let there be no gossip or criticism of one another. Instead, let the understanding, love, and peace of the program grow in you one day at a time."
This truly summarizes for me exactly how it has worked and keeps working!!
Keep coming back - there is hope and help in recovery.
-- Edited by Iamhere on Friday 3rd of February 2017 08:55:48 AM
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
