Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene

Munch · Member

New to Al-Anon

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome Munch So glad that you shared and reached out. You are not alone. Living with the insanity of alcoholism causes many of us to arrive at the place that you find yourself and finally reach out for help for ourselves. Alcoholism is a threefold disease that affects the problem drinker spiritually, emotionally and physically. AA is a recovery program for the person who is drinking and Al-Anon is a recovery program for family members who have been caught up in the insanity.

Al-Anon holds face-to-face meetings in most communities and the hotline number can be found in the white pages. It is here I learned to keep the focus on myself, as hard as that could be in the beginning , live one day at a time, taking care of my own needs and my own business while allowing others to do the same.

I attended meetings to break the isolation caused by living with the insanity and developed new and healthy tools to live by as a result of these meetings.

Al-Anon believes that alcoholism is a chronic, progressive , fatal disease that can be arrested but not cured. Learning how to to keep the focus on ourselves, and taking actions for my own best interests was a great start. Detachment is an important tool to use and one that I use often finally, after many years.

You are not alone and there is hope

Munch · Member

I did attend my first meeting last night. And plan to stick with it, because I feel like I'm going crazy. Twirling in the wind. The drinking I can deal with, the fall-out from the drinking, not so much.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Agreed I am glad that you found a meeting. i know i wanted to kill my husband when I entered the program and it was not over drinking but the attitudes we both had developed.

I hope you received a Newcomer package at the meeting . There is also other hepful booklests that you might pick up such as: The Merry GoRound named Denial or the bookmark "Just for Today"

They will help and you will begin to feel better .

alf · Member

Hi Munch.
First of all, welcome.
I understand the need to vent in a safe environment. I can relate to the state of limbo which you are describing. It can be, is very painful and unsettling.
What has helped me is to use the time of uncertainty in a positive way. The time has allowed me to find the program thus enabling me to find myself. Trying to constantly read into the meaning of everything said by others left me emotionally wrecked, always in a agitated state. My goodness, I feel for you.
Reaching out as you have is a great start! The Alanon literature has been a life saver for me as well as face to face meetings.
I have found that when I try to figure out the weight of another's words 9 x's out of 10 I'm off, way way off. lol.
Alanon along with the help of my HP has given me my soul back.
This is my first time I have ever responded to a post. My heart goes out to you. Sending positive vibes your way!!!

Iamhere · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome munch - glad you found us and glad that you shared.....I understand all that you describe as well as the need to vent in a safe place! So great to see that you already found a meeting and attended - keep going and if you want, find more....when I first came to Al-Anon, I went to many, many meetings. It helped me change my daily habits so that I distracted myself and got good doses of wisdom at the same time.

I will readily admit as I started in recovery, I bought walking shoes, earbuds, ear plugs, literature, etc. and basically set up a safe spot in my home and did what I could to tune out the nonsense. I bit my tongue a bunch and would disappear to read literature, call a program person or listen to speakers/music. I used the earbuds often, took many walks with the dog and did anything to avoid sitting, worrying, wondering.

The changes had to start with me and they were difficult but possible. There is tons of hope and help in our recovery program - keep coming back!

Welcome ti MIP alf - glad you found us and joined right in! Keep coming back....(((hugs))) to both!

Munch · Member

Thank you for taking time to respond, Alf. I definitely read into EVERYTHING. I need to find peace, by not doing so. But it is a daily battle. I'm really glad I found this board. I hope to learn from, and help if I can, anyone who's willing. So if I can return the favor, I've got a friendly ear.

-- Edited by Munch on Friday 3rd of February 2017 08:08:05 AM

Munch · Member

Thank you for the wise words and hints, Iamhere! I especially like 'Practice the Pause' I'm going to try and make it my new mantra. Looking forward to developing friendships here.

-- Edited by Munch on Friday 3rd of February 2017 08:07:22 AM

Munch · Member

Hotrod...I did receive the literature which included the book mark. And have spoke with the leader of the group since the meeting. She's wonderful...as were the others I met. I know I need to continue to this FOR ME. I'll look into the others as you suggested.

-- Edited by Munch on Friday 3rd of February 2017 08:16:10 AM

Iamhere · ~*Service Worker*~

Hey Munch.....the Pause for me is a critical tool. I came to recovery with no filter and no pause. My style was very assertive and controlling. It's helped me keep my mouth shut when I want to react as well as allowed me time to focus on my spirit instead of people, place and things around me...

In full disclosure, it's probably saved my life. Stress, worry, anxiety take such a toll on our physical bodies, I have no doubt I was well on my way to heart disease. It does run on my side of the family. So many Al-Anon suggestions including self-care gave me back more than my emotional peace - I physically feel better than I have in a long, long while.

(((Hugs))) - glad you're part of the journey - keep coming back!

Munch · Member

Iamhere. We sound quite similar. I'm the same way, find solutions, take action, outspoken...but god forbid I apply those same principles to myself and my own shortcomings. I am proud to say, I have completely quit commenting on the 'consumption' levels. Of course, with him hiding out in the upstairs apartment, I'm not witness to the actual amount, just the slurred speech and after effects. But I've been able to hold my tongue...and shut my mouth.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha Munch and welcome to the family. Reading your post and responses to the others appears to me as you still have clarity of vision about what is going on and what to do about it. So often we listen to others who have gone way beyond the point of sanity and need more help.

You are dealing with the insanity of alcoholism which collects victims by the wagon load leaving the alcoholic in its self centered state still drinking and getting worse. They have their needs also without concern for others...this isn't a moral issue it is an AMA registered disease which without total abstinence is fatal. In abstinence we pray they find a program of recovery and that program being AA from which we get so much of our own recovery.

You got to your first face to face group. I pray you go often because Al-Anon saves lives and sanity. Keep coming back here often to get and give your ESH. ((((hugs)))) smile

Munch · Member

ESH Jerry? What does that mean? Is there a place within this chat room that I can figure out what the abbreviations mean? I have crazier days than others. Typically when he does something to upset with me. And yes, I do question my sanity...because right now, I feel that the potential for bipolar is HIGH and he does nothing to help himself except drink, and now, move out to drink. And questioning my sanity comes in, because I just want him to come home.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Experience...Strength and Hope. just one of our many supportive tools. (((hugs))) wink

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

One of my Al-Anon lessons (only one) was the definition of sanity which helps me "check" my mental condition as needed. "A continuous and orderly process of thought" and with that as I guide I don't have to be as much as a victim to the disease or the person as before. (((Hugs))) confuse

Munch · Member

Thank you for your wise words Jerry. You guys are all great so far. Just the like meeting I attended.

Iamhere · ~*Service Worker*~

Munch....here's a link to the FAQ (Frequently Asked Questions) about this board....alanon.activeboard.com/t13820090/frequently-asked-questions/

There is a question that asks about the abbreviations often used and gives the definition. That page may even give you a bit more insight as you float around and make yourself at home!

(((Hugs)))

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene