Well, back to my first meeting after a few years.  I remember that when I was going to meetings and reading the Al-Anon literature I could still love and detach.  When I got away from the program, I was sinking very, very slowly until I had such anxiety and insomnia that could hardly be controlled.  Also, because I had been happier while attending meetings, my AH was consistent and he was improving.  My responses and reactions were definitely different while attending meetings because I had the tools and the inner peace.  So, now I have re-committed to attending meetings, working the program, reading and taking care of myself.  Thank you for your responses along the way to encourage me.  You all helped.