The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
and am now in the hang over stage. Do enablers and do-dependents relapse? Sure do and it sucks bad time. I went to my morning AA meeting and the subject was on and around Steps 4 thru 10 and I even shared my ESH on the subject or maybe just gave it away. After the meeting I came home with a stop at the gas station where I witnessed this ass and another guy take up the time and space and compassions of others trying to get to the pumps. People were honking their horns and gesturing in anger and still the two guys just ignored them and blew them off. The customers were really pissed. I called it quits and came home, went into the bathroom and looked in the mirror and there was one of the guys who was unkind and self centered and arrogant and such. One of the guys was me!!! I felt sick to my stomach. I had learned so much in recovery to put that personality away and act as a sober, sane and serene individual.
The relapse came so easily I didn't know it arrived and I felt no concern for the others. I made an apology and need to make an amends...the change of feelings, thoughts and behaviors.
I have asked my Higher Power to lead me and place me in the "right" acceptable manner; a place and behavior that reflects our steps and traditions and practice. I need to be here and in my meetings and I need to listen while increasing my respect for the disease. ((((hugs))))
It's a journey and sometimes it involves surprise lessons? Not to mention you've taken some losses recently and you are extra- obliged to be kind and forgiving to Jerry. He's a pretty good guy after all.
I know you'll take what you need from the experience and use it to steady your awesome self.
(((Jerry)))
Thanks for the honesty Jerry--I think so many of us can relate to that co-dependent relapse feeling. Stress can cause us to fall more easily into the old habitual patterns. that is a physical reality but as u say/described there is a spiritual solution. Whenever I "go back there" I am reminded by some wise person or literature: We just need to go back to step one with all of it and walk the situation through each step, trusting we will learn something from this and ...maybe...my HP wanted to use it to write about it /talk it out and help another person ---we never know the PLAN. Keep showing up the way you do for life; it is encouraging...
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Wishing all the best on your recovery journey, Luv
Hey brother.....breathe, breathe and breathe again. I readily admit that for me, if there's going to be a loss of serenity, patience combined with some type of selfish self-serving arrogance, it's usually got something to do with driving, gas stations or car washes. Perhaps my HP is wanting me to walk/ride a bike more but there is some type of Mario Andretti attitude that comes alive when I'm armed with keys, wheels and shades...
I can't speak for you but do feel that for me, these slips are also for purpose - a gentle reminder that I am human and will have imperfect moments no matter how much God loves me. You are loved and you are human...sending you tons of (((hugs))), prayers and peaceful thoughts!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
((Jerry)) The ODAT suggesta An old Indian saying that indicates that our defects "fly overhead once they are removed and as long as we do not permit them to rebuild nests in our hair once again we will be fine. Yu saw it,you ownded it and are prepared to let it go-- your recovery is in tact
I like the picture of that response however my hair is only about 1/8 thick so the trouble has been on my head. I did an amends this morning first thing before my morning home group and have let it go. Did it the best way I know and that's it. I still am kinda sorta in shock that it happened in the first place. And then....why not me right???
