The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's daily reading talks about the mental and emotional impact the disease has on us - the family and friends of the alcoholic. We tend to over react or react in moments that are not always the cause of our frustration, sadness, etc. The example given talks about a partner who is frustrated enough over dirty dishes to throw out her qualifier. This partner realizes the thinking issue and calls a trusted Al-Anon friend who listens....
The Al-Anon friend then mentions that the angry seems deeper than dirty dishes. The partner processes, and realizes that the dishes are just a sign of what's perceived as a whole pattern of disrespect. As they continue processing, they discuss martyrdom and how we are given the tools to handle, process and focus on one situation at a time instead of allowing a build-up of perceptions.
Nobody likes dirty dishes, but we don't have to interpret them as anything beyond what they are ---- dirty dishes!! We can learn to take things at face value, and realize that dirty dishes are just that - dirty dishes.
Today's Reminder --- "Why do I allow myself to suffer, to blow small things out of proportion? I can break a situation down to a more manageable size by taking it "One day at a time."
Today's Quote from One Day at a Time in Al-Anon --- "The whole purpose of Al-Anon is to help us iron out the rough spots in our living, and that can be done only one day at a time."
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I came to recovery with faulty distorted thinking. I truly took every word, every action, every inaction personally and wore my badge of martyrdom proudly!!! Dirty dishes were disrespect. Undone chores were defiance. I could go on and on and on and on! As I began to work on my own recovery, I realized through Al-Anon that what others think, say and do is truly not about me and often not my concern.
I love QTIP - Quit Taking it Personally as well as JADE - Don't Justify, Argue, Defend or Explain. I learned in recovery that I had more power than I realized - I do not have to engage in insanity and I can choose to detach at any time I decide to do so. I am not a victim and I am not so important that what others do is an attack on me.
I'm grateful that I realize now how better to respond than react to the disease and others. I am truly responsible for my own joy and responses, and my life is much easier when I can let go of what others think of me, say to me, etc. Freedom from the bondage of self is a great gift of recovery!
Happy Friday to all - the grand-babies are coming over for a play date tonight and I don't know who is more excited - me or them. Make it a great day!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Good morning IAH . This is a very interesting topic and one close to my heart. I know prior to program, I was very busy reading other people's minds and intentions determining their motives and having them always appear as destructive and abrasive to my principles.
Al-Anon taught me to keep the focus on myself, remember that I am not a mind reader, examine my own motives and determine if they are living up to my principles so that regardless of what others do, I can treat others with courtesy and respect.
This page is a good reminder. Thank you for your service
Thanks so much for sharing--love to hear other's 'take' on the daily readings. So much wisdom in all of the readers. I could take almost every other sentence and find a huge gem that leads to a changed perspective or new idea to practice. Love to be reminded of Q-TIP! Yes, taking this disease personally was a habit I had for a long long time. Even though intellectually I understood the disease and it's symptoms were not so. It takes a lot of one day at a times for me to change long held habits of thinking and a lot of 7th step surrender too.
For a while I was still getting some kind of gain from taking it personally and being the martyr--although I couldn't see it until I studied steps and listened longer. Part of why I continued that way was because I judged my own disease and felt too vulnerable / wounded by disease to be that honest with myself---so working those first 3-5 steps helped me to love myself even with my flaws. I then could stop taking my own disease and habits of coping so personally. When I can bring compassion to those habits and their origins, I heal much faster---being hard on myself never was much help in making changes in my thinking or behavior. The program is very gentle if I read it with that in mind--but my own old thinking can take anything and create it to be a sabotaging self criticism if I am not on guard. Praying to see the gentleness and feel it really helps. That is my 2 cents on C2C today...
Enjoy your grand babies tonight!
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Wishing all the best on your recovery journey, Luv
Thanks ladies for your shares!! Betty - I love your first paragraph - made me chuckle....the mind-reading skills have been retired - thank God!!
Luv - great share...I love that you remind me the program is gentle - one of my defects I work on often is perfection - I wanted to get an A in recovery....learning that is not my goal was news to me....Thanks for the well wishes with the babies - they are super cute, super sweet and super fun!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
