The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Looking at a time when to have a thought meant saying a thought, today's page suggests a 'Think' before we speak approach. This is a healthy replacement to replying in anger, betraying confidence with gossip, oversharing, or offering unsolicited advice.
Taking a few moments to Think allows us time to consider whether saying anything is necessary, and if we do, that we will be comfortable with it going forward.
Today's Reminder: I will let my words serve my best interests by choosing them with care.
Quote: "I don't let my mouth say nothin' my head can't stand." - Louis Armstrong ************ Well, I have a ways to go before I'm at Armstrong's status...I have definitely leaned toward the have-a-thought share-a-thought style, believing it courageous and better to get it out there and be 'honest'.
With the help of AlAnon, I am seeing where my comments are often unnecessary, unkind (or at least not positive), uninvited, and many times coming from an unhealthy perspective. As I go over this page this morning, I also realize that I have never targeted 'Think' for focused work.
This weekend there were two specific times that would have been much, much better if I had used this tool, but it wasn't even in my bag. This week my focus will be on exercising my 'shut my mouth' muscles, maybe adding a nod, while I send some work over to the 'Think' and edit side.
Less is often more, and for me this week there will be more of less. Grateful for the needed guidance
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Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Hi Paul I love that quote. Unfortunately, prior to program and picking up of the slogans such as" Live and let live" and "Think", I did let my mouth say anything that came into my head. In other words , I "Reacted " all over the place and never thought that I could do differently. Then came program and I learned that my form of communication was not simply stating my truth, it was abusive and other directed, and never placed responsibility for the situation on myself. Alanon has provided me with tools so that I could "say what I mean and mean what i say without saying it mean". Learning to place principles above personalities and to "Think" has provided me great tools to live by.
I can relate - even though my arms are much longer than my nose, I often led with my mouth prior to the program. I felt it was my right, duty and obligation to fix, control, guide, lead, etc. everyone to 'my way - which was of course....the right way!'
In program, I too am practicing Think and Pause. I too have a ways to go and that's OK as we're asked to focus on our progress and STOP seeking perfection. I am one of 'those' who if I have a relapse of program, I can overthink and stay stuck. I'm grateful the program tells me it's OK to be human, right my wrongs as I go and practice doing better.
I too will spend some quality time this week considering this concept. I have a busy week and often that triggers in me the 'need to be right and on point.' I am hanging around the 1-2-3 steps to remind me that even though I am powerless, I am not alone.
Make it a great day all - cold, rainy and a bit dreary today! Softball planning is underway and spring can't arrive fast enough for me. Have a safe and blessed day!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you for today's message. I think before speaking more than in the past, but I tend toward sarcasm and quick retorts, so it is a real effort for me.
I to am quick to react and always felt it was the "right" thing to do to speak my opinion even when not asked for it! The more anxious I become about my qualifier the more I react without pausing first. I have regretted this many times. It is never mean stuff that I say but generally unsolicited advice giving. They set the trap by dropping just enough info to set me into a tailspin and I walk right into it each time. Some days are better then others Today not so good. I took the bait and began to ask questions and fix, control and manage which frustrates me. My feelings do get hurt with the hot and cold emotions of my AD in recovery some days and I need to learn to walk away from that and let it go. She can still be quite insensitive to the needs of others at times and I am having a hard time being patient today. I do plan to tell her later in the evening that it is hurtful when she shuts me out abruptly and leave it at that.
Thanks all very much for sharing and ESH...Yes, reacting; not good for anyone, but changeable by really focusing on the slogans. I had two specific opportunities today to shut my mouth and Think, was able to clamp down until I could respond in a healthy way. The quiet time I had in those moments was so peaceful, something I don't experience when I am jumping right back in it...I really liked it, I am sure my conversation partner benefited, too...
Yes, IAH, good reminder, progress not perfection... Glad you're thinking spring thoughts, have a great week
__________________
Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
