The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Its great to have choices today. My old black and white thinking meant that I reacted to everything and everyone. Drama comes knocking and being in a spiritual program of recovery doesn't stop the challenges faced by others in my life who enjoy drama and the self pity parties.
Today I get to decide how to respond. My go to emotion seems to be anger and wanting to react majorly but I have learned to Think think think, share with someone I trust, let out the anger and then I get a clear train of thought to decide how to respond.
I chose to not spend a lot of time on justifying, explaining, defending myself because an others opinion of me or their chosen behaviour is none of my business and doesn't define me and the opposite of this is using others to validate myself and no chance. With all the sick thinkers in this world I would have to be crazy mad to allow their thinking to penetrate my own. So all I can do is look at my own behaviour, consider my own part from my own perspective which is hopefully honest enough to see the truth and then I suppose to keep it simple I have only two choices.
I either make amends if I, I being the important word, come to the conclusion that my own behaviour could have been better or different. Or I can forgive the other person. I can forgive the other person because I know they are coming from a place within their own pain or own perspective which is imperfect as we all are and its never about me.
The action part of the process is, what action is required to not allow myself to be caught up in other peoples drama and dysfunction. I can set clear boundaries, state my truth as I see it and then let go of the consequence, its not my job to convince anyone to not feel sorry for themselves or to grow up (thats what I want to say). Its my responsibility to myself to do whats good for me and so I have identified a toxic, sick thinker in my life and I will gradually remove them from my life from their current position of 'friend.' I get to chose my friends and I get to chose not to be friends. Thanks for reading.
Great share El-Cee - and spot on to the reading/reminders from the Courage to Change reading today....I am beyond words grateful that I have choices today that I either did not know about or didn't consider before recovery. I too was a huge reactor to all the chaos and insanity around me before! It's so nice to 'see' other options today and have a decision to make on how, if at all, I respond to people, places and things.
Make it a great day all!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Inspiring words to read, El-cee. I only just recognized how much havoc I wreak in my own life by dreading the future and feeling ashamed of the past. My feelings are my responsibility...I don't have to think my way into misery when I have the option of learning from the past and avoid predicting the future. Staying in the moment is, for me, minute-by-minute right now, but I'm getting better at it as I practice it.
Thank you!
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"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
