The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
In the format of 'Once upon a time...', today's ODAT page tells of a woman who, if asked, would tell you that she was unhappy about 'everything'. Tales of various woes followed, covering all aspects of her life in which she suffered.
She had no time to care for herself, communicate with friends and family, nor did they seek her out for fear of hearing her dark view of the world. She told her husband daily, her AlAnon group when she made it, and believed herself, that all would be better if he would just stop drinking.
One day, she heard a member say that everyone in the group faced many challenges, but with the guidance of the program and the fellowship, they learned how to avoid focusing on them and exaggerating their impact.
And so it was that she brought a smile home with her. Her husband was surprised out of his routine and found his way into his own recovery soon after. ************** Of course it doesn't always work out that way...but changing our perspective definitely affects our happiness and those around us. There are no program promises of miraculous recoveries by our qualifiers. The important takeaway is, however, that if we never try it out, we will never feel the power we have to change our world by changing our focus, something AlAnon says will happen.
While we don't engage in healthier, more positive behavior with the intent of changing or controlling others, we really have everything to gain and nothing to lose but a negative outlook and behavior. After trying my mad/sad approach for years, I have witnessed some pretty incredible results with AlAnon's suggestion that I Let it Begin With Me. So grateful
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Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Good morning Paul, thanks for sharing your thoughts on today's reading in the ODA T. I know that prior to program, I pasted a smile on my face and pretended all was well, but people seem to sense that under that smile was a great deal of anger and, resentment ans I never understood how that could be .
Entering program and working the steps as well as the slogans, I discovered that I could not simply paint a fake smile on my face, and pretend all was well, I needed to understand that happiness, joy, and caring are an inside job, and that the feelings expressed with these concerns are very important,
Working the program, I decided to "place principles above personalities" and to always treat everyone with courtesy and respect regardless of what they did or did not do. This simple principle has helped me to navigate relationships and situations with ease I've discovered that I don't really have to put a fake smile on in order to have people understand that I am supportive and understanding
Thanks for your service and I hope you have a great day.,
One thing I have noticed is that I tend to get more of what I focus on. If I focus on how bad everything is, or how resentful I am, I get more negative things. If I focus instead on the positive things, I tend to get more positive things in my life. Perhaps the negative things are still there, and the positive things were always there, but by shifting my attention one way or another, I can change my perspective and reality. The things that were overwhelming before lose their importance when I do not pay attention to them, and make room for other, more positive experiences.
Thanks for your service and sharing.
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Thank you Paul for your service and the daily....thank you Paul, Betty and Skorpi for your ESH. This is one daily reader I do not have (maybe should get), but that summary sounds like me to a T. I did not realize that I was actually pushing healthy people away during my crazy days from disease - and truly thought that IF they would STOP drinking/using, all would be well.
My recovery also mirrors what is shared - when I work this program and keep the focus on me, I have joy and sanity. Things have improved drastically for me and my attitude, outlook and health is way better than before. As a result, I tend to attract healthier folks as friends - a delightful gift. I know now that isolating is a part of the disease and it's up to me to push myself in my recovery.
Thanks all - off to a meeting in a while....we have a lovely forecast for today - grateful for any 'spring' weather we can get in 'winter'!!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
