The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Happy news years everyone. I am so grateful for a new year. I had a very nice evening last night-no drinking by the ABF. I went out and went for a steam bath and visited with my daughter and it was wonderful. I came home and the ABF had the fire place burning wood and candles lit up all over the living room. It was romantic. We watched a movie together and I went to bed. He stayed up till 3 am watching movies. I was so grateful for the sober evening-grateful beyond words. Since my last post when he went off the deep end at Christmas with my family and we came back from our 9 hour drive, he has not drank. His last drunk was December 25, 2016. Since we have been home, he has attended 2 AA meetings and got back into the bible and church. He has a very strong belief in god! Very strong but the bottle keeps him, as well. I am so grateful today as I woke up and it was calm in the house! What a blessing!
Since the Christmas drunk, he has said with all his heart, he is done drinking! I do not believe him. I have done the belief thing with him one to many times. I have to see the action now. I do not have much faith he will stop. I just know that if he does start, I have to leave the house, and get away from him. I just can not endure it anymore, the drunk talk and staggering. Christmas was the worse and I keep remembering what it was like on the 9 hour drive and the hell and near vehicle accidents I endured because he was drunk and what I promised myself-never take him anywhere with me again-especially near my family or on a holiday. I keep remembering what hell, I mean hell I endured and my reactions that were totally, totally out of control. I flipped like a fish out of water! My behaviors were unreal in reaction and I know I have had enough and will not and can not endure it again! I have to remove myself the moment he starts to drink! there is no exception for me! I am out of control in my reaction and I fear I will hurt him and get charged for killing him or assaulting him. he is just not worth it!
I have hit my own bottom and know that I can not be around him if he starts to drink. I have to get myself out of the house immediately and stay away till he sobers up! I fear my angry reaction!
this year, my goal is to remove myself the moment he starts to drink! No exception!
Another goal is to stand up for myself and follow my heart where it may lead me...Going home last year, my heart told me, it time to move home. I felt at last, since I left home at 15 years old, this is where I belong! I have a back up plan, that should the relationship not work out, I will move home! I feel my heart saying it time to move back 9 hours away to my hometown. I feel ready and if its god's will, it will happen! I just have to trust god to make it a reality!
Another goal is to get to as much meetings I can and get as much help as I can for myself so I can be all I am to be!
Today, is the start of a new year and I am so grateful for all of you being here..I read on line your messages and I can relate so well. Thank you all for your words!
Hi Joker, congratulations on making a backup plan. I have found that it's helpful to be very specific and detailed about plans (not post them online, of course, but just for myself). It is empowering to have the details such as exactly where I would go, how I would get there, what I need to bring, how I would finance it, what I will do once I get there, etc. Even looking up the schedule of Al Anon meetings in the new location.
(((Joker))) - happy new year - so glad that today is a good day and you had a lovely last night. (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Happy new year joker. Take good care of yourself. Alcoholism equals insanity in everyone effected. Your plan sounds excellent and will get you into sanity.
Thanks for sharing Joker. I can relate to being able to appreciate a good day without taking his word that he will never drink again because as we know they can't promise that. It sounds like you have found some clarity around some things that is truly a gift. HUGS
Joker, thank you for sharing. Please take good care of yourself! I have often found that when I reach a new bottom, a new opening in my recovery is always soon to follow. Hugs to you!
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Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
