The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So Christmas day, my AS called my mom and dad but hung up on them before words were exchanged (I am getting this information from my sister, who was told in confidence).... (My sister is a whole other story). They haven't seen or talked with my AS since last Easter. They are hurting so much and would go to the ends of the earth to bring him home. Apparently they found out where he is staying. How they did that I do not know. Anyway they drove there and parked in front of the house and tried to disguise themselves, they are 80 and 79. I guess I find humor in that. They just wanted to see where he was staying and if there was a Christmas tree. They weren't found out as far as I know. I hope this gave them some peace. Knowing they hurt so much kills me and I wish I could just make everything all better.
((Beth)) That was a loving gesture on the part of your parents and I am so sorry that they are in such pain. You could suggest that they attend Al-Anon face-to-face meetings so that they could develop new and positive tools to live by. They could also come on this board and get the support that they so desperately need.
Positive thoughts and prayers on the way
I suggest Al-Anon daily ready literature also and maybe a subscription to the "Forum" the monthly magazine. There are lots of compassionate writings in it. (((hugs)))
(((Tannersmom))) - I am sorry for the place you find yourself in. I can relate and know it's difficult to watch parents pain over the actions of a grandchild. My parents just left this morning and were here for approximately 12 days. They saw my oldest child and their great g-kids once, and did not get to see my youngest at all.
I know it pains them and it pains me to be so very powerless over the whole disease/mess. In my world, this has been going on a bit longer (10 years) so I can say the new normal, however different/difficult it is, does settle in and we all adapt but it's difficult to be 'here'.
As with all things in recovery, literature, meetings and one day at a time is the only path that works for me. I've stepped out of the way and allowed what is supposed to be be and still am haunted at times by this choice. However, it's been the best action for me and my own sanity/serenity. I do what I can to be a good daughter, and let God handle all the rest. It truly has been and remains well beyond my scope in life and it helps to feel that God has a plan that I'm not sure of that will be better than any plan I can think of.
Hang in there and be gentle with you. Take care of you and trust the process as best as you can. (((Hugs)))
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
